<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Little feelings (comment your requests or dm me on insta <3) by Aristos_Bub</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900440">Little feelings (comment your requests or dm me on insta <3)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aristos_Bub/pseuds/Aristos_Bub'>Aristos_Bub</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Regression/De-Aging, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bang Chan is Whipped, Caregiver!Hyunjin, Don't Like Don't Read, Fluff, Gottie is best, I Love You, I'm doing this partly to improve writing, Lee Felix is a Little Shit (Stray Kids), Lee Felix-centric (Stray Kids), Little!Felix, Maybe nursing idk yet, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, Non-Sexual Age Play, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Not Beta Read, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Stuffies, Tags to be added, Writing this makes me happy, age regressor!felix, babyspace, bottles, caregiver!bang chan, caregiver!changbin, caregiver!jeongin, caregiver!jisung, caregiver!minho, caregiver!seungmin, caregiver!skz, dada!bangchan, giraffe!gottie, i keep making lixie sad sorry you guys, irregular updates, lee Felix is baby, lix is babie, maybe diapers idk yet, no beta we die like men, overuse of nicknames, sippy cups, will take requests later in the story if you want, you are loved, you are valid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:15:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900440</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aristos_Bub/pseuds/Aristos_Bub</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee Felix and his agere journey to happiness</p><p>Please do not sexualise this if you do I will be really mad at you 😠:)<br/>Please leave kudos and comments I will respond to all comments if I can figure out how to.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Everyone, Lee Felix/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>219</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ok, you guys are up next! Are you all ready?” Felix heard the stage manager yell over the deafening music. They were at the start of the promotions for IN LIFE and where about to perform their Inkigayo stage. All the boys were nervous as this was the first time they would be performing and the tension surrounding them was palpable as they got ready. Felix could feel his body fighting him. He didn’t want to perform right now; his stomach was churning uncomfortably and as he neared the exit of the waiting room. His feet wouldn’t move and he felt like curling into a ball as the music pounded so loud it felt as though someone was hitting the inside of his skull with a small hammer. He screwed his eyes up tightly to block out the pulsating lights. </p><p>It was too loud.</p><p>It was too bright.</p><p>It was all too much.</p><p>Suddenly, he felt a warm hand grip his shoulder and he was startled from his spiralling thoughts. He turned round, breathing quickly, to look up into Chan’s warm face. He was smiling down at Felix with an excited expression which quickly turned concerned as he saw Felix’s wide, scared eyes. “Is everything alright Lix?” he questioned. Taking a deep breath, Felix replied, mustering a weak smile “Yeah hyung. I’m fine.”<br/>
“You sure? You looked a little out of it for a second there.”<br/>
“Yeah I’m totally sure. I’m just nervous for the performance. I wanna do my best you know?” At this Chan nodded in understanding. “Aw that’s ok baby, I think we’re all a bit nervous, huh? First performance and all?” Chan chuckled the worried crease between his eyebrows disappearing. Felix grinned half-heartedly at him, his brain seemed to react to the pet name, his whole body relaxing and warmth spreading through him.</p><p>“What are you two doing over there? Hurry up already will you.” They both jumped as Changbin yelled from the doorway, frantically gesturing at them to hurry the heck up. As Felix went to follow him he felt Chan hold him back, his arm still firmly and reassuringly on his shoulder.<br/>
“Are you sure you’ll be ok?” The troubled frown was back again. Felix smiled at him in what he hoped was a calm and unpanicked way and nodded slowly. Chan let go of his shoulder still not looking convinced and they walked towards the door leading to the stage.</p><p>                                                                            ლ(・﹏・ლ)</p><p>Felix left the set feeling overwhelmed and upset he had an overwhelming urge to just cuddle up to one of his members, fall asleep and let them carry him home but he forced him to stand up from his chair where he had been recovering from the exhausting stage. He couldn’t be a burden. They were all just as tired as he was.</p><p>Dragging his feet, he followed their manager through a series of winding corridors and outside towards the company car. As they walked to the car park he shivered, it had been walm in the morning and he hadn’t thought to bring a hoodie, just the t-shirt and shorts he had thrown on that morning. The wind blew straight through the thin clothes and raised goose bumps on his arms.</p><p>Ahead of him the others were laughing happily and messing around with their manager, hanging off him and just generally hindering him in everyway they possibly could. Slightly behind them Minho and Chan were walking and chatting quietly, occasionally pausing their conversation to laugh at the antics of the younger members. While Jisung attempted to trip Jeongin up, Chan glanced over his shoulder at Felix shooting him a soft, questioning smile. Felix smiled back gently, his teeth chattering. Chan broke away from Minho who watched curiously as he approached Felix.</p><p>“Hey bud. You cold?” Chan said wrapping a strong arm around Felix. He involuntarily leaned into the touch, whining. For some reason verbalising his wants felt really hard so he just nuzzled further into Chan’s warm chest. He heard Chan chuckle and felt him draw ack like he was going to leave. Felix clutched at his shirt. He didn’t want him to leave. He was warm and smelled nice, like home. Grasping Chan’s jacket in small hands, Felix whined again. “Hey, what’s the matter?” He clasped at the shirt harder. “Felix? What’s the matter?” he repeated. </p><p>Chan tried to pull away again but Felix wrapped his arms around his chest and held on securely. On instinct Chan pulled him closer and folded his arms around him. Chan felt Felix shivering and carefully tried to prize the little hands in his jacket away, sliding it off and swaddled Felix in it. He heard him sigh contentedly and covered him with his arms again, guiding him towards the car slowly.</p><p>                                                                       ⊂(´・ω・｀⊂)</p><p>Once in the car Felix promptly settled in Minho’s lap as Chan climbed into the front seat after him. Chan peered behind him, doing a quick head count. There were five members in his car: Minho, Hyunjin, Jisung, Felix and himself. The rest where in the other car. His eyes settled on Felix, still curled up on Minho (who looked slightly confused but definitely not mad about it). He had closed his eyes and and was now completely wrapped in Chan’s jacket - which was far too big on him. Raising an eyebrow, Chan noticed he was sucking lightly on the edge of the coat near his mouth and breathing softly through his nose, letting out cute little snuffles occasionally. Chan smiled at how small he looked, he often forgot how young he was because of how he was constantly tired from too little sleep and too much practicing. Now he looked young and fresh-faced, drowning in Chan’s own coat as he drifted off into a peaceful sleep. </p><p>Chan felt a surge of protectiveness for the young boy, as Stray Kids’ leader and oldest member he felt responsible and protective over all the other boys. He would always do his best to help and look after them all but he had always felt particularly paternal towards Felix. He guessed it was because of Felix’s childish habits. Things like pulling on sleeves to get peoples attention, always sleeping with his giraffe blanket/stuffie ‘Gottie’ and getting excited over little things like flowers growing by the side of the path, or a particularly funny duck in the pond at the park they sometimes went to. </p><p>Thinking back on it, Felix had always reminded him of a little kid. For instance, the time the new How To Train Your Dragon came out (a/n best films ever, Toothless is the cutest thing ever) he had insisted that all the members watched it and had sat there with his Ryan plush watching the screen with wide wonderous eyes. All the members had cooed and thought he was adorable and he had laughed it off saying he just thought the animation was good (a/n I’ve done this so many times-) but Chan could tell that he truly did love it. The film and the attention from the members.</p><p>                                                                     ⊂(´・ω・｀⊂)</p><p>When Felix woke up from his impromptu nap, he quickly realised he wasn’t in the car. He guessed he had been carried to his bed – he tried to ignore how that made his heart flutter – and tucked him in. As he stretched he realised someone had tucked Gottie in next to him and he smiled picking her up and clutching her to his chest. “What time is it Gottie?” he mumbled into the plushie’s soft fur. Startling back when he heard his own voice. He repeated himself but this time he sounded normal. That was weird. For a second his voice had been higher and softer than he had expected. He had sounded exactly like a kid. </p><p>Shaking his head he got up – still holding Gottie – and walked to the kitchen where he could hear someone talking and clattering about, most likely making themselves breakfast. </p><p>On entering the kitchen he saw Changbin and Seungmin sitting at the table with bowls of cereal. Behind them Minho was clattering about cooking something. Seungmin greeted Felix with a smile when he noticed him which made Changbin turn around to see who was there. “Oh hey Felix” his eyes flicked down to where Felix was holding Gottie by his side. “And hi there Gottie” he teased. Pouting,Felix sat down next to Seungmin and tucked his stuffie under his arm. Changbin laughed and Felix stuck his tongue out at him. “I’m joking Lixie” he soothed “you know we all think Gottie is cute.” At this Felix blushed brightly and stuck his tongue out once more trying to hide his embarrassment but Changbin chuckled which only served to anger Felix more. How dare he laugh! Felix had only just got up and already someone was being mean! The absolute audacity. And at his precious Gottie too!</p><p>Although he knew the members were only teasing when they made fun of his love for the stuffie, he hated that it reminded him that most people his age didn’t need a teddy to sleep. It made him feel as though maybe he shouldn’t be as attached to Gottie as he was. Even though the members always reassured him they loved Gottie just as much as he did and that it doesn’t matter if he needed it, there was always that little voice telling him he shouldn’t. That he needed to grow up and stop relying on kids things and his members. He was worried that he would become a burden. (a/n to any regressors reading this, you guys are never a burden, I know it sometimes feels like it but that’s not true and you guys are wonderful 😊.)</p><p>                                                                       ⊂(・﹏・⊂)</p><p> Later that day, after practice, Felix was lying on his bed replaying the events of last night and that morning in his head. Both times there had been a strange but not unpleasant feeling. He had felt warm and safe and…he didn’t know how to describe it. He felt….small? He thinks that was it. Last night, he had felt as though simple tasks were impossibly hard to climb mountains, he had struggled so much taking off his stage outfit and his legs had felt weak, as if they didn’t want to work. That hadn’t been a good feeling, and neither had the cold been when he had stepped outside over. He had felt helpless, at the winds mercy and so hopelessly confused. He had just wanted it to go away. But then Chan had come over and made him warm and he had felt amazing. It was as if though he was finally free from the stress of the comeback. He had felt warm and safe and impossibly tiny as Chan had held him there. When he had tried to pull away the panic had been immediate and he had felt as though he would do anything to stop him from leaving. But he couldn’t do anything, so he just clung to him like a baby koala.<br/>
Sighing felix rolled over in his bed and took out his phone pulling up google.</p><p>Why do I suddenly feel like a kid?.....</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felix finds out something about himself but it overwhelms him, chan is there to comfort him uwu</p><p>Trigger Warning: quite a bit of angst and a panick attack even though he doesn’t know it</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chan cautiously opened the door, cringing when the hinges squeaked. Making a mental note to oil them soon, he tiptoed towards the kitchen. It was 5 in the morning and he had just got back from the studio. The other members were probably sleeping. He stilled for a second to listen out for noises to tell him who else was awake. The dorm was silent. He moved to go to the kitchen again when he heard an almost imperceptible sniffle. It sounded like it was coming from his, Changbin and Felix’s room. Frowning, he walked quickly towards the noise. As he got closer he could hear muffled sobs coming from the half open door. He pushed it open fully and went inside.</p><p>Changbin’s bed was empty and the noises were emanating from a Felix-shaped lump under Chan’s own duvet. “Felix?” he called softly. “Is that you under there sweetheart?” The crying stopped suddenly. “Channie? S’that you?” the pile of blankets said weakly.<br/>
“Yeah it’s me. What’s the matter little one? Why were you crying.?” Chan walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge.<br/>
“Are you gonna come out of there? You look like a baby turtle all cosy like that.” He heard a watery laugh from inside the blankets. “Don’ wanna come out. Like it in here”<br/>
“Are you sureeee” Chan said, his voice turning playful. “then I guess I’ll have to…..tickle you out!” Felix squealed at Chan’s attack, breaking off in peals of gleeful, childish laughter as. The blankets fell to around his shoulders as he squirmed, trying to get away from the merciless tickle monster.<br/>
Chan paused his actions and Felix’s giggles died out to be replaced with a pout. “Seriously though, I can tell something has been bothering you lately. Yesterday you seemed out of sorts” Chan said pulling Felix into his arms and wiping the tears from his face. “And you look exhausted now, I’m not surprised given the time. How about we wash that cute face and go to bed huh?” Felix nodded and gingerly got up, taking Chan’s hand and pulling him to the bathroom.</p><p>They got to the bathroom, not encountering anyone on the way. Felix washed his face while Chan brushed his teeth and once they had finished they returned to their room together.“</p><p>You wanna sleep in my bed today?” Once again Felix nodded assent silently and went and got in Chan’s bed, cocooning himself in the blankets like he had earlier except now a pair of eyes, still bright with tears, peered up at Chan from a small hole in the fabric. Chuckling, Chan walked over too Felix’s bed at which a tiny whine came from his bed. It was like déjà vu. Turning around, Chan saw Felix looking up at him, heartbroken as he reached out as if trying to reach him and pull him back. “Want me to stay with you?” another whine. “Ok just give me a second alright?”.<br/>
Continuing to Felix’s bed he picked up Gottie and returned to where Felix was wiggling around in his blankets like a caterpillar trying to get closer to grab the giraffe. “Gottie please” Felix murmured.<br/>
“well ok, since you asked so nicely” Chan replied smiling and giving Gottie to him. “Now can I please have some of my covers back?” He rolled his eyes when Felix hesitated, clinging on to the blanket “Come on sunshine, do you really want Hyung to be cold?” At this Felix relented and loosened his cocoon, allowing Chan to climb in. As soon as Chan was in the blankets, he snuggled up to him, nuzzling into his neck for warmth as if he was a human hot-water-bottle. Chan grinned and folded his arms around his shoulders drawing him in a close hug with Gottie in between them as they drifted off to sleep.</p><p>     -flashback to the start of the night-</p><p>                     ⊂( ◜◒◝ )⊃</p><p>Why do I feel like a kid….?</p><p>Felix was browsing through the many articles that had popped up at his search. None of them seemed to describe how he had been feeling. He scrolled through a lot of physcological things that didn’t match up with what he was feeling. They talked about feeling inadequate or unstable in their adult life, about grown-ups that felt insecure about their decisions, that wasn’t him. He didn’t regret his decisions and he knew what inadequacy felt like and it wasn’t this. </p><p>15 minutes later, he stumbled upon a promising looking article. It was telling about something that sounded like what he had been looking for. The description read something along the lines of “sometimes I just feel younger, like a kid again. I want to do things that typically, kids would do and I want to be cared for by someone.” Felix clicked on what turned out to be a blog the title being “My Experience with Age regression”. </p><p>As he read, he quickly realised that this person had felt the same thing as him. They explained the way they felt clearly and Felix almost cried with relief at the idea that he wasn’t the only one who experienced this. He wasn’t alone in these small feelings and behaviours. The blog put it in a way he had been trying to express for years.</p><p>He had finished the article and his head swum with new knowledge and terms. “Caregiver, Little, Cglre”. Why were there so many words? What did they all mean? Why were they all so similar? His breathing started to quicken. He had become quickly overwhelmed with powerful emotions and a wave of new information. All the terms and communities had become tangled in his brain and he suddenly found it hard to breathe, as if strings of knowledge had become entangled with his wind pipe. </p><p>Trying to calm down and sort through his emotions simply exacerbated him. He broke down in tears and scrambled for something to hold on to as the room spun. He felt something soft brush his flailing hand and he desperately drew it towards him clasping onto it tightly, knuckles white. Through the muddled haze of panic he realised what he was clutching was a blanket and he pulled it around himself. Using it as a shield to protect himself from the onslaught of spinning thoughts. He curled into himself, sobbing, and wished there was someone there to hold him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What did you guys think? Constructive criticism is always welcome, I’m here to share and improve my writing :)<br/>I hope you have a lovely day &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys. Recently I was watching clips of skz members and Felix and I noticed how pretty much all of them can pick him up and I thought that was really cute and wanted to share that fact lol.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chan woke to a thin beam of sunlight on his face, lighting up the back of his eyelids. Blinking, he sat  up and looked around, noticing Felix was gone. Chan could see his stuffed giraffe across the room, it had been placed carefully on Felix’s pillow and covered delicately with the boy’s soft blue blanket which he’d had since he was a kid. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, shrugging the covers off as he did so and walked to the door and out into the kitchen.</p><p>In the kitchen Jeongin and Jisung were sitting at the table eating and Hyunjin sat at Chan’s computer playing a game (Chan made a note to change his password again. He didn’t know how the members kept figuring it out.) He pulled out a chair and flopped down next to Jisung.<br/>
“Do you guys know where Felix is?” he asked, voice still rough with sleep.<br/>
“I thought he would still be asleep because of how tired he looked last night but when I woke up he was gone.”<br/>
“oh, Felix said he was gonna go to practice earlier” Hyunjin piped in from the desk. “Told me he’d be back late”<br/>
“Did he eat?”<br/>
“No, I don’t think so. I can’t really remember. I’d just woken up” Chan raised an eyebrow at that.<br/>
“Can you remember what time he left?”<br/>
“Maybe about 5:00? That was around when I got up.”<br/>
“Why didn’t you stop him”<br/>
“I dunno. He was gone before I could say anythin’”<br/>
“Oh” </p><p>Chan went silent and poured himself some granola. Why had Felix left so early? Was he avoiding him? The more Chan thought about it the more likely it seemed. Last night Felix had seemed vulnerable, confused and upset and Chan suspected that that was a side of Felix that he didn’t want the other members to see. Chan decided he would visit Felix at the practice rooms and try to talk to him. If he didn’t want to talk Chan would back off, but he felt as if, last night and probably now, Felix needed someone to be looking out for him. Chan could be that person. He would make sure Felix was okay and he would encourage him to talk to him or one of the others.<br/>
Over the years of being Stray Kids’ leader he had learned how important it was to communicate with the others and comfort them. They often put up walls to each other that stooped them moving forward as a team. It was Chan’s job to break down those walls and ensure each and every members happiness. It was a lot of pressure on him but he adored taking care of all of them.<br/>
(っ´ω`)ﾉ(╥ω╥)</p><p>At the company building, Felix is breaking a sweat. He has been practicing dancing for an hour and has yet to take a break. He’s making himself go through each old routine and perfecting it until he’s sure he can do each one with his eyes closed. It’s draining physically and he’s still emotionally exhausted from his breakdown yesterday. The burn in his limbs is an effective distraction from the panic ever present at the back of his mind. If he stops moving or concentrating on the dance for even a second his thoughts automatically drift to the thing he so hopelessly doesn’t want to think about. He can’t be whatever that article was describing. He was an idol for gods sake, he didn’t have the time nor the privacy to be that. He lived with seven other guys and he was positive if they ever found out he would never see the end of the teasing. What made that even worse was that lately, whenever someone had made a silly joke at his expense, he’d find himself wanting to cry. He was used to the feeling now, tears constantly pricking at his eyes, threatening to spill over at a particularly loud noise or a little bit of roughness. His emotions were delicate and fragile, frayed like taught string. Always near to snapping.</p><p>Felix jumped as the door banged open. He turned abruptly to see Chan standing in the doorway, staring directly at him. “What are you doing here? It’s our day off.” Felix called.<br/>
“I could say the same to you” Chan quipped back. “Why are you practicing now, you seemed exhausted last night. I wanted to talk to you about that actually.”<br/>
“Oh hyung, don’t worry about last night. I was just tired and stressed from the comeback. That why I’m here, practicing. I won’t have to worry about messing up.” Felix tried to keep his voice as convincing as possible but the way it wavered at the end gave his true feelings away. “Are you sure Felix? Because if that is what’s wrong then why didn’t you tell me that last night? I asked you but you didn’t reply. You looked terrified when I found you. Not just stressed. Straight up petrified”</p><p>Felix didn’t reply. “Felix? Why didn’t you tell me”<br/>
A sob wracked Felix’s body and he fell to the floor. Chan’s eyes widen and he ran across the room dropping to his knees beside Felix and once again wrapping him tightly with his arms, gently rocking from side to side. </p><p>When Felix’s sobs died down Chan gently pulled away to look down at him, still swaying the boy calmingly. The younger had his head buried in Chan’s neck and was sniffling slightly, his body shaking from exhaustion. He gently pushed at Felix’s shoulder to encourage him to look up and his eyes were met with Felix’s big, teary ones. The expression on his face was indescribable, he looked so young and innocent, the redness around his eyes and the sleepy air about him reminded Chan of a baby that had been unwantedly awoken from a nap. The longer Chan held him away to observe his face, the more agitated he became and he pressed his face back into Chan’s chest, the sniffles gradually stopping.<br/>
“Can you please tell me what’s bothering you?” Chan close to begged “I just want to help. I don’t care what it is!” Felix rubbed a small fist across his eyes sadly.<br/>
“I can’t tell you what it is because I don’t know. Or at least not properly.”<br/>
“What do you mean not properly?”<br/>
“I think that I found something out about myself but I don’t quite know what it is”<br/>
“I’m quite following…?”<br/>
Felix sighed “Yesterday when you found me I had been doing some research about something I had been experiencing recently” Chan looked like he was going to ask abut that but Felix quickly moved on. “and I found an article that described my feelings exactly. I just got overwhelmed because of it.” He finished his explanation with another sigh. Chan looked more confused than he had when Felix had started explaining.<br/>
“So what did you find out?”<br/>
“Ah hyuungggg, I knew you were gonna ask that” he whined. Chan laughed shortly<br/>
“So why don’t you just tell meeeee” he teased back.<br/>
“It’s embarrassing Felix pouted.<br/>
“Try me.”<br/>
“Ok, I’ll tell you. Can we go somewhere private first?”<br/>
(^・ω・^ )</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi! What did you think of the update? I’m trying to decide who Felix’s main caregivers should be. You may have guessed that Chan is one of them but I was also thinking of Minho. If there any members you would particularly like to see interact with small Felix comment down below and I’ll do my best to include some cute stuff with them in :)<br/>~bub&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chan and Felix sat facing each other on the couch in Chan’s studio. Felix’s face was flushed red and he was refusing to make eye contact. The studio was completely silent except for his uneven breathing. His head was hung low, and he was staring at his hands resting in his lap. Opposite him, Chan clearly wants to say something but still sits silently, watching Felix intently, waiting for him to speak first. </p><p>Sighing dejectedly, Felix looked up. “I don’t really know Hyung. It’s complicated and I don’t know how to explain it” Chan nodded, considering the younger boy’s words. <br/>“Is there anything you can show me that can explain it? Like an article or a post maybe.”<br/>“yeah there is actually. I still have the article I was reading last night on my phone. I didn’t finish it so we could read it together if you like? It definitely explains better than I could.”<br/>“that sounds good” </p><p>Chan sends him a reassuring smile before shuffling over to sit next to him to look at his phone. Felix opened Naver, the tab still open on the very same article that he had been reading previously. Chan peered over his shoulder squinting at the phone, obviously concentrating hard. </p><p>In contrast to him, Felix wasn’t even looking at the phone let alone reading. He watched Chan’s face, anxiously searching for any signs of disgust or discomfort. He found none, a little confusion but other than that Chan seemed far less weirded out by it than he himself was. In fact as he read, a small smile emerged, the crease between his eyebrows smoothing out. Finally he looked up and met Felix’s nervous eyes. <br/>“you think you might be, what’s it called? An age regressor?”<br/>“yeah, I think so” came the quiet response.<br/>“Felix…that is so…..cute, oh my god” Chan heard a sharp intake of breath.<br/>“What?”<br/>“That’s like so adorable, do you know how old your ‘little’ age is?” He said the word ‘little’ deliberately and slowly, not used to using it in a sentence.</p><p> Chan grinned widely at Felix who smiled back hesitantly but happily. He looked so relieved, not realising how much pressure had built up in such a short time. “no, I’m not really sure how old I would be. I’ve never actually been in…headspace fully and knowingly.”<br/>“How do you know that you are a regressor then?” Chan was clearly starting to get used to the new terms, picking it up far quicker than Felix. “I guess I don’t really know until I try. I just- I understood what that article meant when it talked about feeling tiny and wanting to cling to people and be taken care of. It just made sense, it resonated with what I felt I guess…” He trailed off, unsure.<br/>“So I’m guessing you don’t have a caregiver then?” Chan asked, his tone careful.<br/>“A what?”<br/>“You didn’t read that part?” Chan sounded surprised, as though all this was completely natural to him. “That bit at the bottom, it talked about like, people like regressors but the opposite. Like people who look after regressors to deal with stuff.”<br/>“Oh. I didn’t see that part. I guess I just assumed you would just regress alone.” Felix gestured vaguely with his hands. Chan looked affronted. “What! No! That could be dangerous right? What if you drop a glass? Or bite a wire.” </p><p>Chan looked increasingly distressed as he talked, imagining all the awful scenarios that probably won’t happen most likely. Felix cut him off. “I don’t know what other option I have. We don’t know any caregivers or even any other littles so it doesn’t matter. And I do want to try to regress” Chan glowered at the floor like it had personally offended him. He hadn’t expected this to cause so many dilemmas. <br/>“Wait.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“I can be your caregiver.” Chan beamed down at Felix pleased with himself as the other boys cheeks turned red with embarrassment. “No, Hyungggg that’s weirdddd” <br/>“What, why?”<br/>“Because your my best friend, imagine having your best friend have to watch you act like a baby.”<br/>“I wouldn’t mind.”<br/>“Hyung I know you’re just saying that.” He practically whined<br/>“Felix listen to me, little or not I always love taking care of you, it’s never something I have to do, it’s something I choose to do. I want to look after you because your my best friend and I care about you. Plus, its not like you aren’t childish around me anyway. You’re practically the team’s baby, remember that one time when-”<br/>Felix promptly paused him from his most likely humiliating and reminiscent anecdote by shoving a hand over his mouth. “Pleasee hyungg, stoooopp” His intonation whiny and childish. </p><p>Chan grinned at him humouredly. Taking the hand away from his mouth he continue. “Anyway Lixie, the point is, we all think you’re adorable no matter what and this won’t change anything. I bet you’ll be twice as cute in headspace and I can’t wait to take care of you and play with you and spoil you. We all love you, I promise we always will.”</p><p>Felix pouted, eyes sparkling with fresh tears and his face rosy red again. “Wow hyung that was beautiful. I didn’t know you could form such complex sentences.” Letting out a hearty laugh, Chan ruffled his hair. “You brat, I bet you’re gonna be a little devil huh?” Felix grinned this time too, in spite of his embarrassment. Chan had managed to make him feel comfortable and as though this was just part of normal everyday life. No surprise there, Stay don’t call him the best leader for nothing.</p><p>“Do you want to tell the others?” Felix was brought back from his thoughts by the question.<br/>“Hmm, not yet I don’t think. I wanna get used to it first, feel as though I can properly explain it to them. And I should  to find out a bit about little me, shouldn’t I?”<br/>“That sounds like a good idea, we’ll get to know tiny Lixie and then we can make a decision. That sounds sensible. So how about you try and regress the next time we’re alone in the dorm for a while. I’m afraid it might be quite a long wait, do you think you’ll be ok?”<br/>“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll be fine” but as he said it, disappointment flashed across his face, quickly being replaced with a smile once more. Chan nodded but didn’t seem convinced, he knew it probably didn’t feel fair to Felix, to make him go through all the emotional stress of telling Chan about this thing he’d been worried about, and then not let him use his newfound coping mechanism. Chan couldn’t help but feel guilty denying him this outlet for him so quickly after he had discovered it but he knew that there would always be ways in which being an idol disadvantaged them and this was just one of those times. </p><p>Trying to keep a secret in a dorm with 7 other men was certainly going to be an uphill struggle.<br/>						(´。＿。｀)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Felix finally told someone about what had been bothering him! :D <br/>Little Felix will probably be appearing soon, I feel like most of theses so far have kind of been set up for plot?? I hope you liked reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it :]<br/>~bub</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! Sorry it took so long to update this time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a few days since Chan had found out about Felix and his little space and they hadn’t mentioned it to eachother since. Felix was starting to worry and doubt Chan’s feelings on the matter. He had constantly been re-living the conversation in his head, searching for any sign that Chan’s acceptance had been faked. He couldn’t find any, of course. However that didn’t stop Felix’s mind from telling him that he was being lied to. If he had really cared he would have said something by now surely? Another part of his brain reminded him that the leader was merely processing all he had been told. He had been exposed to a whole new world of communities, terminology and people, it was no wonder he needed a bit of time to come to terms with the what all of this meant for him and Felix.</p><p>As a matter of fact that was exactly what Chan had been doing. He wanted to do his own research before talking to Felix. He had been reading up and watching youtube videos that looked at age regression from both a social and phsycological point of view. He had mostly been looking at how to best take care of someone in a little headspace. He learnt lots of tips and tricks from other caregivers and from some littles. But the more research he did, the more he felt the pressure of making sure that this was perfect for Felix. He was possibly overthinking it because of all the internet seemed to agree how delicate a headspace it is and how many things could go wrong or disrupt it. Yeah he knew he was overthinking it. He decided he needed to talk to Felix about it. He didn’t need a video to tell him how important communication was.<br/>                         (つ﹏⊂)</p><p>That night Chan returned from the studio earlier than usual, at about 11:00 pm. He felt exhausted from working and just wanted to hit the hay but he knew he had to speak to lix. He flopped bonelessly onto the couch and toed off his shoes groaning. He pushed himself back up off the warm, comfortable, soft couch sadly and walked to his, Changbin and Felix’s shared room.</p><p>Upon entering, he saw Changbin lying on his back staring at his phone but he quickly got up and left, clapping Chan on the back as he passed him grinning. Looking around  he spotted Felix who was sprawled out on Chan’s top bunk, legs dangling over the edges, swinging lightly. He had earbuds in and had evidently not heard Chan enter. He jumped when the bed shook as Chan climbed the ladder, pulling out an earbud and shoving Gottie – who he seemed to have been chewing the ear of – swiftly behind Chan’s pillow. Chan raised an eyebrow quizzically but said nothing, that was sort of what he had returned to talk about. He got to the top of the ladder and sat down across from him, stretching his arms and resting his legs on Felix’s. He yawned widely as Felix disentangled himself from the limbs Chan had trapped him with and crawled up to fall down on the elder’s chest; sighing and nuzzling into him like a content kitten. Chan smiled softly and brought a hand up to stroke Felix’s head gently.<br/> He reminded himself why he came back early before he could get too comfortable. The familiar weight on his chest and the warmth from the other boy and the blankets pushing him closer towards sleep but he fought it and spoke. <br/>“I think we should talk, baby”<br/>Felix huffed “bout what?”<br/>“come on Lixie, you know what” A whine came from the head buried in his chest, sleepy and muffled. “but, hyungie I don’t wannaaa” Felix’s tone was decidedly whingey now.<br/>“I was doing some research and I wondered if there was any kind of things you needed, or just wanted. We should buy you some stuff to play with at least, no? I read that lots of littles use things like pacifiers and diapers and stuff.” Felix groaned and sat up, despite his ‘I don’t care this is so boring’ attidute his cheeks were bright pink, making his fainter freckles appear bolder. Chan smiled. “hey don’t be embarrassed its fine to want stuff like that.”<br/>“I know hyung it’s just-” He halted. “It’s still embarrassing though. Other kids my age don’t like those kind of things.”<br/>“how do you know that? Have you asked them?”<br/>“no, of course not”<br/>“then you don’t know that, besides, this isn’s about other people your age. Its about you. Now lets go shopping. “ </p><p>                        ╮(︶▽︶)╭</p><p>Chan pulled his laptop from the bag dangling on the bedpost and opened it. It was open on an agere shop already, Chan had been prepared. He turned to Felix. “is there anything you know you want?” Felix’s face was burning now, his head ducked down – chin on his chest – avoiding making eye contact. “Yeah, there is.” He paused, shaking his head slightly, trying to rid himself of his timidness. “what is it?” Chan encouraged calmly. He was ready to be patient with Felix; it wouldn’t help to push him too fast. “I guess I’d quite like a paci.” He mumbled, glancing up unsurely. Chan nodded enthusiastically, this was progress. </p><p>“Do you wanna look at all the options?” he said as he typed ‘adult pacifier’ into the search bar.  Felix shuffled on his knees to sit by Chan’s side, resting his head on his shoulder and watching the screen load.  There were lots of options that came up: simple, plain and cheap ones that came in packs of three, decorated and personalisable one, ones with cute designs printed on them. There were even ones for teething. “what kind would you like, pixie?” Chan asked. “I like the sparkly ones, you can put stuff on them.” <br/>Guessing he meant the personalised ones, Chan clicked on the link of the shop that sold the one Felix had been pointing at. At his side, Felix wiggled happily, he seemed to have gotten over his embarrassment when he saw the pacis and was suddenly excited, smiling giddily at the products displayed on the computer. </p><p>“tell me if you see anything you like, ok buddy?” Felix nodded, chin hitting Chan’s shoulder hard with his excitement. Chan continued to scroll through the options until Felix went jumped next to him. “Wan’” he demanded his voice higher and more childish than before. Chan’s eyes widened, he guessed Felix was at least partially in headspace and, despite his assurances to Felix, he was nervous to be a caregiver, he didn’t want to mess up and upset Felix. He pushed all the negative thoughts away and focused on what Felix was trying to say.</p><p>The little was pointing at the screen with his nose (he had picked up Gottie again earlier and had no plans of letting him go) so Chan looked back at the shop scanning the pacifiers to see which one had Felix so happy. What he saw made him laugh internally, Felix seemed to be pointing at a set of two. One of the pacifiers was yellow with gold, orange and yellow rhinestones covering it, on the handle letter beads spelled out ‘Sunshine’ and had a small sun shaped pendant dangling from it. The other was white, with silver rhinestones around the edge of the guard and angel wings on either side of the button. On the handle was the word ‘Angel’.  </p><p>Felix squirmed again, leaning close to the screen giggling. “mine!” <br/>“Would you like those ones baby?” <br/>“yis please and thank you” Felix brought his hand up to his face and chewed on his fist contentedly, his eyes shining up at chan from where he was lying on the man’s chest. He looked so young and innocent and happy. Chan gazed down at him lovingly. “I’ll get these ones then. Is there anything else my little one would like?” Felix squealed joyfully and grabbed at Chan’s earring. Sighing affectionately, Chan removed the earring and shifted Felix so his head lolled on his shoulder, now sucking his thumb sleepily. “want ba please hyungie.”<br/>“A ba? What’s a ba, Lixie baby?” Felix squirmed, sliding down off Chan’s lap onto the pillows. He looked really sleepy, Chan thought he should probably put him to bed as soon as they finished shopping but he really needed to get this done quickly for him to do so. “baba” Felix repeated quietly, sounding sad. What did he mean baba?? Opening another google search which quickly told him what Felix was trying to communicate. “You want a bottle?”<br/>“Ba” Felix agreed subdudely. <br/>“Hey, what’s the matter baby? Why’ve you got the sads all of a sudden?” Felix just said it again, sniffling. “Do you want a bottle now?” A small nod. “Aw I’m sorry sweetheart, Channie doesn’t  have one to give you at the moment but I promise you’ll get one soon.” He soothed. “lets order one now yeah?” </p><p>Felix didn’t respond, he was almost asleep, draped dozily over Chan’s legs clutching Gottie with his thumb in his mouth. To Chan he looked so small and vulnerable and once more Chan’s instincts to protect him grew so strong it was like a physical feeling, pulling at his heart. He drew Felix closer into a warm hug, the little boy snuffled into the crook of his neck again and Chan could feel his breathing even out, letting out soft puffs occasionally as he slept. Chan wondered what he was dreaming about.</p><p>With Felix now fast asleep on top of him, Chan quickly finished ordering. He added an adult sized bottle with chicks on to his cart as well as a soft blanket, a big ryan plushie, some soft sensory blocks(he had noticed Felix seemed to prefer items that were typically for younger headspaces so didn’t want to buy anything with small parts), a couple of onsies and comfy clothes (including fluffy socks which he had heard Felix mention that he liked them to Sungie) , toys, and a few other things which he would wait to talk to felix about. </p><p>Chan completed his order and shut his laptop, shoving it back in his bag with some difficulty due to the sleeping boy on his chest. He settled down into the bed again, moving some pillows around to create a nest which he nestled into and tightened his arms around Felix who subconciously burrowed into his embrace. He could hear the soft sounds of Felix sucking his thumb and it shouldn’t be as cute as it was. He cooed internally at the sight of the sleeping boy and his giraffe and wished he had someone who he could gush about Felix’s cuteness with. That night he fell asleep with a smile on his lips and didn’t wake  up once. Peaceful by eachother’s side the entire night.<br/>                     ＼(★^∀^★)／</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What did you think? I’m not sure if I missed anything that he might want out...I guess I’ll just add stuff in as I go along. Do you guys have any favourite comfort items? Mine is Matilda who is a bear I got for my first Christmas</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felix gets upset because of a comment made on a show skz appeared on, he lets himself be smol</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! Sorry it took so long to update but this chapter is a bit longer to make up for it &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That morning, Chan awoke to the sound of Changbin getting dressed; he was hopping madly around the room in an attempt to pull on jeans two sizes too small for him. Rubbing his face tiredly Chan sat up and pointed out to a flailing Changbin that the trousers he was trying so frantically to get on did, in fact, belong to Felix, who was of a much slighter stature than him. Sheepishly, Changbin fell back onto his bed and began the struggle to get the jeans back off again, selecting some looser ones this time and getting them on with ease before leaving the room red in the face with exertion.</p><p>Chan chuckled at his friend’s antics and looked down at Felix who was contently sleeping next to him, thumb still in mouth. He decided to give the younger some well deserved rest and let him sleep for now. He would make breakfast before waking him up. Chan was unsure how he would feel after regressing, would he be embarrassed again? Would he pretend it never happened? Or it could be the complete opposite and Felix would want to cling to him as much as possible to feel safe. Whatever it was Chan wanted to be prepared for it and do everything he could to help. With that thought, he pushed himself out of bed and jumped off the ladder down, walking slowly to the kitchen to set about making breakfast. </p><p>Felix woke up to someone gently shaking him and saying his name softly. He looked up and saw Chan smiling down at him affectionately, he realised he was sucking his thumb and slowly took it out, his body resisting it. Who could blame him, it felt nice, it was soothing in a strange way. He grinned up at Chan. Man, he felt great. Sun was pouring through the curtains and he felt contently drowsy, as though he’d had the best nights sleep. His limbs were relaxed and floppy but they didn’t ache like they so often did from practice. And Chan was there too, he loved Chan. He could hear the other boys going about their morning routines in the other rooms, he loved them too. In that moment life was good, it was warm and sunny and bright and he got to spend the whole day with his best friends in the whole wide world. He squirmed happily, lifting his arms up to Chan in the world wide symbol for ‘hug please’. Chan chuckled and pulled his arms making him sit up, Felix wrapped his arms around his neck humming quietly. He squealed when Chan picked him up easily, carrying him out of bed and into the kitchen where he put him down on a chair, eliciting a whine from Felix as he made grabby hands at his hyung, demanding he give him more cuddles. Chan humoured him for a while, letting him cling to his back, shuffling behind him as he got plates out from the cupboard. He detached him after that though, putting him back in his own chair before sitting opposite him and placing a plate of French toast in front of him which was promptly devoured by a hungry Felix.<br/>
“How are you feeling little one?” Chan asked in English once they had both finished eating. The leader was leaning on the table, chin on hand and the younger copied him, tilting his head to the right a little. “Good, thank you. And you Hyung?”<br/>
“You know what I mean, you finally regressed last night. How do you feel? Is there anything you need?”</p><p> Felix could hear the worried tone in his voice and smiled comfortingly, he knew how much the other wanted to be a good caregiver to him. He was actually beginning to wonder if Chan was a caregiver in the sense that he was a little. The natural way he had interacted with Felix while regressed made him suspect so. He had seemed just as relaxed and happy as Felix had been which made Felix glad he had confided in him. They was definitely still a lot to be discovered for them both.  “I’m okey Hyung, I feel really good today actually. I just don’t want to be on my own for a while, I’ll probably start overthinking” Felix giggled. Despite his sudden happy-go-lucky attitude he did feel like he would be upset if Chan didn’t stay close to him for a bit longer, he felt the need to attach himself to one of his members for cuddles. His clingy nature seemed to have been amplified due to regression. This made him feel far more cuddly than usual which was saying something for the most skin ship loving person in the group.</p><p>“Don’t worry bub, I wasn’t planning on letting you out of my sight today. We’re scheduled to make an appearance on Idol Room today so I want you guys to stay with me when we’re on air” Chan told him, scowling. Felix knew that the hosts Doni and Coni had a bad reputation among idols, they were often rude and rough with idols that appeared on their shows. He understood Chan’s worry and started to fret about it as well. He didn’t know how well he would be able to deal with it if things got too loud and unruly. He wanted today to be a day happily cuddled up to Channie Hyung watching cartoons or maybe watching an anime with Sungie. He had completely forgotten about this schedule but now he was reminded, he remembered how anxious the members were for it to go well. The show had a large audience who would take the side of the hosts if anything went wrong. It seemed to him he would have to rebuild his protective walls very quickly and stop feeling so vulnerable.<br/>
( ≖.≖)<br/>
Later that day, the dorm was chaos as they prepared to leave. The managers were almost at the dorm to pick them up and at least 2 members were probably still in the shower. The older members ran about trying to round up all 8 of them. Felix sat by the door on the shelves where they kept their shoes swinging his legs innocently, waiting for the rest to finish. He had started getting ready to leave earlier as Chan had reminded him and then helped him to gather all the things they needed to leave. Unfortunately, this advanced planning hadn’t paid off and there was still the last minute scramble for showers and to find things that conveniently disappeared when they looked for them.</p><p>There was a knock on the door and Felix jumped down from his perch to open it and greet their managers. They walked in smiling at him and asking if the others were ready yet and nodding when he told them that no, of course they weren’t. Luckily, they had seen this coming and arrived slightly earlier than planned to help round up all the boys scattered around the dorm. One of the managers gave Felix a piggy-back as they looked around the dorm for Hyunjin who they found brushing his teeth slowly, in no rush to get out the door. The manager hyung told him to be ready in ten minutes before putting Felix down next to the sink and leaving to chase after someone else. </p><p>He waited while Hyunjin brushed his teeth, holding the other boy’s pinky finger the whole time (a/n sorry but I had to include that because I do this with my best friend and I love it so much because our hands are such different sizes and I just think that Felix and Hyunjin’s hands together are precious ahhh) and walked after him once he’d finished, trailing behind him holding his arm. When they got to the door, all the others were there ready to leave. Hyunjin slipped on some trainers and they left the dorm, walking to the company car and piling in one after the other. Felix ended up getting pulled onto Jisung’s lap due to the cramped conditions of the car, who promptly started to play with the younger’s hair and tease him through the whole drive.</p><p>When they arrived at the studio where the broadcast was to be filmed, Felix’s hair was full of little plaits, courtesy of Jisung, and he felt fuzzy and warm from all the attention given to him on the way. It was almost as if the members sensed a change in him and had started to act accordingly. Maybe it was just him seeing things that weren’t there, but he felt as though they had been babying him a lot more since that morning. Some of the less touchy members allowing him to cuddle up to them more than normal. He brushed off the sudden behaviour as simply the others knowing him so well as to always know what he needed but it still planted a small seed of doubt in the back of his mind, was he being that obvious? For now though, he decided to just enjoy it. The reason would most likely be revealed sooner or later and it would be something completely mundane, there was no use in worrying about it.</p><p>They got out of the van one by one and filed in to the studio building through a pair of revolving doors and up a flight of stairs into a waiting room where their outfits for the broadcast were. Their managers told them to get changed quickly as they were a little late and them go through the door to their left to get makeup done. Felix went over to where his outfit was hanging in a bag as took it down, going and finding a space to change. He unzipped the bag and pulled out an oversized, soft, dusky-pink sweater and white dungaree shorts. Smiling, he pulled them on hurriedly, finding a soft white beret at the bottom of the bag and then skipped to the mirror to see how it looked. </p><p>When he saw himself in the mirror he nearly squealed. The pullover was far too big, it hung over his hands making sweater paws and the dungaree shorts and high socks gave the outfit childlike charm and the beret just looked soft and sweet, pushing his hair down just enough to frame his face perfectly. Even he thought he looked adorable. He turned around and skipped happily to the door. He was one of the last to finish changing so when he entered the makeup room all eyes turned to him. As they saw him, each in turn cooed and complimented him, telling him how cute he looked whilst grinning affectionately. Chan came over to pinch his cheeks and Han gave him a high five, congratulating him on becoming the new cutest member, earning him a lot of complaints and claims of their own cuteness from the others. Shaking his head, laughing, Felix sat down to have his makeup done.</p><p>He was playing a game on his phone when one of the staff came to collect them to go on set gesturing for them to follow through into room full of cameras and mics. Almost as soon as they entered the room, they were surrounded by staff: putting on their mic packs, touching up makeup, asking them rapid questions too fast to answer all of them. Once all of the members were deemed ready, they were ordered to wait just off set to watch Doni and Coni do their introduction and come on at there cue from the staff to their right. After about 5 minutes of watching the two older men mess about introducing the show and welcoming the viewers, they introduced Stray Kids loudly. At the signal, all of the boys ran on set cheering and whooping at the top of their lungs excitedly, trying to show as much enthusiasm as possible.<br/>
“Woah, calm down all of you!” one of the MCs laughed, scoffing.<br/>
“Sorry Doni, we’re just so pleased to be on this show, we’ve been anticipating it all week.” Jisung countered charmingly. Dreading seemed a more accurate word to Felix as he recalled all the distressed words spoken by his hyungs the week leading up to their appearance. Gradually, each member introduced themselves to the camera and then the two hosts said it was time to make them all play some games, deciding on ‘random dance play’, a game Felix himself had enjoyed watching others play. He perked up a little, he had always thought that this game looked pretty fun. </p><p>The category of dances chosen for them was all the famous JYP artist’s dances because of the expectation that idols within companies knew each-others dances. Felix did know a lot from the long nights he had spent practicing old dances from his childhood and sometimes more recent ones. His favourite group for dances at that moment was Twice, a very popular girl group under their label, JYP. The dances were fun and bubbly and he had enjoyed learning them, he hoped that it would pay off now as he went through the steps in his head. They all shuffled into position as God’s Menu started to play, quickly picking up the moves as it played. They danced well through the chorus but then realised that they didn’t know what verse it was they were dancing to. Chaos ensued. They all bumped into each-other, Changbin collided hard with Felix, making him fall down flat on his back, knocking the wind out of him. He lay there for a second, stunned, before Changbin was hurriedly pulling him onto his feet, apologising and brushing him down, then pushing him gently to his space for the next dance which had already began.</p><p> To the side, he could hear Doni and Coni screeching with laughter. He knew they were laughing at him falling. Trying to ignore the sudden urge to cry, he carried on dancing, smiling as though he was laughing along with them. It was fine. He knew this song and he liked it. Normally he would be happy to perform it but now he just wanted to go home and curl up in his bed with Channie hyung and his Gottie.<br/>
He really missed Gottie. His arm hurt and he wanted to go home. It wasn’t fair.<br/>
In some, more rational part of his brain, he knew the fall hadn’t even hurt that much and he had dealt with much worse. Despite that, all the rest of his mind was screaming at him to run out of the studio door and never come back. The laughs of the hosts were too loud and it felt like they were laughing right in his ear. Mocking and disdainful. He stumbled through the rest of the game, messing up the dances several times. Once they finished all the dances, they stood in a line facing the MCs who were about to deliver their verdict. Did they succeed or fail?<br/>
“FAIL” Coni yelled gleefully. Of course, what was he expecting after all the times he fumbled during the routines. “But Felix,” he looked up hurriedly, focusing on the MC who was speaking to him. “I thought you were part of the dance line” Coni continued, “ but I’ve never seen someone stumble so much in that game before, you should probably have practiced more with you group. Must have een slacking off eh.” The man wagged a finger at him teasingly. </p><p>Felix flushed bright red at the suggestion that he had been lazing about while his members worked hard. Now that he was thinking about it, he thought about how maybe Coni was right, maybe he should be working harder, rather than wasting his time acting like a baby. And, no doubt, he reminded himself, that he had made Chan have to run around after him to find out what was wrong when he couldn’t just sort out his own emotions. Not only that but he had forced Chan to take care of him and probably lose sleep staying up and ordering things for Felix after he had fallen asleep, he saw now that that just wasn’t fair. The fact that  Chan hadn’t been forced to do that didn’t matter right then, or the way he had smiled at Felix like he was his whole world while regressed. It didn’t matter that Felix knew that he would have stayed up even later if he hadn’t been looking after Felix. None of that mattered to Felix, because in that moment all he could think about were all the times where he hadn’t been pushing himself to the very limit, when he had decided to take a break from practice to game. To him it was all just laziness. He had to work harder.<br/>
ಥ‿ಥ<br/>
As soon as they entered the dressing room, Felix was pulled into a bear hug by Jeongin. “That must’ve been hard, I’m so sorry. He had no right to speak to you like that. We should never have said we would go on this stupid show anyway.” Surprised, Felix pulled back and smiled softly at the other. “It’s okey Jeonginnie, it doesn’t matter anyway.” Instead of calming the youngest down, this seemed to fuel his anger. “It does matter hyung! We should’ve stood up for you and told them how hard you work. They have no respect for how tough it is to be an idol.” He insisted, stepping back from the hug with burning eyes. Felix just smiled at him weakly again and murmured how he was fine before walking away to change out of the clothes given to him by the stylists reluctantly.</p><p>For the whole ride home, Felix felt numb. Responding to questions from the others without thinking, staring out of the window emptily. When they arrived home he walked straight to his room and started to gather things he needed for practice. He changed hastily into a pair of tracksuit and a random hoodie he found lying on the bunk below Chan’s top bunk and threw a water bottle into his bag. He tried to sneak out of the room and across the living room. He could hear voices from the kitchen so deemed it safe to tiptoe into the hall. Just as he was picking up his keys, he felt a hand grab his own and pull him away from door. Spun on his heel, finding himself looking up into Chan’s face wearing a sympathetic expression. Chan tugged him towards him and drew him into a tight hug, his arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders to support him. Felix simply melted into him and started to sob.  Chan hummed softly and rocked Felix from side to side, at this point taking his whole weight as he leant on him. “hey, its ok baby. Don’t you worry your sweet little head about anythimg. Just let hyungie take care of you now.” Felix whimpered into Chan’s neck as he was scooped up effortlessly and carried back to his room, all the while Chan cooed and tenderly stroked his head, bouncing him in his arms to comfort him. </p><p>Eventually Felix stopped crying and merely sniffled while Chan continued to rock him attentively occasionally brushing hair away from his face or pressing a kiss to his forehead. When he was sure that the little was done crying, he got up with him (he knew that if he left it could start the sobbing fit again) and went to the bathroom. When they got there they found Jisung brushing his teeth who immediately frowned when he saw Felix and seemed as though he was going to say something but swiftly shut his mouth when Chan shot him a ‘not right now’ look and left after spitting. </p><p>Chan set Felix down on the edge of the bath earning a whimper and grabby hands which he shushed soothingly and went to get a cloth damp to clean Felix’s face. After cleaning his own face and brushing both their teeth too, he carried Felix back to their room (he suspected the lack of Changbin was thanks to Jisung) and lay him on his bed. He pulled the shoes he had put on earlier off carefully and set them on the floor. Felix was gazing up at him from the bed as if he was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen, his eyes had taken on the big, innocent look that they always seemed to have when he was regressed as he watched Chan get them both ready for bed. He decided to change Felix into a soft, yellow onsie that had been given to one of the members at a fansign and then got into his own pyjama pants and a loose fitting t-shirt.<br/>
Once he was done he lay down on Felix’s bed, cautiously moving as not to squish the other. He needn’t have worried because the younger boy squished himself as close as possible to him as soon as he lay down. </p><p>The younger nuzzled into his neck and mouthed at the collar of his shirt, starting to chew on it slightly. Chan sighed humouredly and pulled the collar away from a whining Felix. He looked around for something better to give to Felix. He spotted Felix’s practice water-bottle on the table next to his bed and had an idea. He prised himself from Felix’s grip as he had effectively koala-ed himself to his side and got up off the bed grabbing the water-bottle and picking Felix up again, (he was suddenly so glad he hadn’t skipped any of his gym sessions recently) he walked out of the room and into the kitchen. He was surprised that they didn’t meet anyone but he guessed that they were all tired and went to bed early.</p><p>He walked over to the fridge, setting Felix on the counter, he got the milk out of the fridge and poured some into the bottle which he then put into the microwave, set for a minute. He found some honey at the back of the cupboard and got that out to stir in when the milk was warm. From the counter Felix was staring at the microwave like he had never seen it before. He reached out to it and shuffled further towards the edge of the counter trying to get closer. Just as he was about to fall, Chan pushed him back, tutting. “You have to be more careful little one, you were going to fall.” Felix’s head drooped, he could hear the upset tone in Chan’s voice and felt guilty. “aw no, its ok. Hyungie didn’t mean to tell you off angel. He was just worried that you would get hurt.” Chan reassured him, wrapping his arms protectively around him. Just then, the microwave beeped, making them jump. Chan went to take the milk out of the microwave, testing the temperature with his pinky finger like he’d seen on tv before stirring in a spoonful of honey. From the side, Felix was watching eagerly, he could smell the milk now and seemed to know that it was for him. Chan screwed the the lid on, checking that it was screwed on tight, before giving it to Felix to hold as he scooped him off of the counter top and walked back to their room with him.</p><p>Chan sat down with Felix who was squirming in his lap like his life depended on it. He hushed Felix gently again, bouncing him in his arms comfortingly. When Felix had settled down, the older manoeuvred the little so his head was resting against his arm, ensuring his head was supported so he wouldn’t choke. He opened the lid of the bottle and held it to Felix’s lips. The boy immediately latched on, snuffling happily as he drank. Chan smiled down at him as a wave of affection for the boy in his arms washed over him. He was just so tiny. The way his little fingers curled into Chan’s shirt to keep him close melted his heart. His blonde hair framed his face like a halo, a single curl rested on his forehead and his eyes had fluttered closed as he sucked sleepily on the milk. He looked like a baby angel and all Chan wanted to do was protect him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What did you think? Leave a comment down below if you would like. I really liked writing this chapter although it took a little longer than normal, sorry about that😅 </p><p>I’m not gonna lie, I always felt like Chan would be the best caregiver ever because like, he’s amazing and so soft and kind idk ahhh. I’m trying to think of a good caregiver name for him. Any ideas/requests?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>felix gets stuff :D</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello my wonderful beans! I hope you've all had an amazing day. I'm so sorry that this chapter took so long to upload, i had a lot of technical difficulties with the program i use to write but I am back now!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the past couple of days, Felix had noticed a change in Chan’s behaviour toward him that had appeared since he had last regressed. The older man had started to be more protective of Felix, checking on him during schedules, making sure he’d eaten and so forth. He always stayed within his limits and never overstepped when Felix wasn’t little but he always had an uncanny knack of knowing exactly what Felix needed. He had started to become an ever-present source of comfort more than he used to be to Felix; who started to actively seek him out in the dorm, before shows, in dressing rooms. He would seek out the warmth and stability of their leader and curl up next to him whenever he was feeling overwhelmed or sleepy. Even when he couldn’t sleep Chan had become the one he would always go to no matter if he meant to or not. Lord knows that Chan would be awake anyway. He would lie next to his hyung as he worked, his face illuminated by the soft, blue light from his laptop and his hands would card through his hair, humming a tune as Felix slowly and eventually fell into sleep.</p><p>If the other members noticed the aussie line’s sudden attachment to each-other they didn’t say anything. To the outside eye, it probably looked the same. The two had always been close and Chan had always said how he felt the need to care for the younger. However, emotionally, their bond had gotten that much stronger from the trust between them. They were able to be vulnerable with each-other and talk about anything. And talked they had. About Felix’s regression, about the hunch that Chan may be ‘a caregiver’, about new and old music, about home and their families and how they missed them. They talked into the early hours of the mornings sometimes and as soon as Chan heard the familiar waking calls of the birds outside he would gasp and scold Felix jokingly about not telling him how late it had got.</p><p>There was, of course, a great deal of excitement of Felix’s part when Chan revealed to him one afternoon that the things they ordered had arrived. They had actually arrived the day before but Chan had wanted to sort through them first, thinking that it might be a better idea to keep some items for later, to give to him as presents while little or because he thought that at the moment Felix might be too embarrassed and reject them. As soon as he found out the stuff had arrived Felix wanted to see them so after practice Chan excused himself and Felix, saying that they were going to run through some of Felix’s old parts and check that they both still knew them well in Chan’s studio. Felix had felt guilty about making Chan lie to their best friends but he forgot all about it when he remembered what was in Chan’s studio. He was trying not to show how excited he was, he was conflicted between being really enthusiastic to show Chan how grateful he was, and feigning indifference to try and keep an impression of dignity. </p><p>In the end, he just ended up smiling bashfully to himself whenever a surge of anticipation hit. He had wanted these things for so long, much longer than he had consciously known about it. He remembers now, back in Australia. He had only been 13 or so but it had scared him how much he had been pulled towards childish things. Growing up had scared him more though. His friends had started acting more mature, pressuring him to as well. He had thrown out some of his toys out of humiliation when a friend had teased him about them but when they had left the house he had broken down in tears. It had felt as though his childhood was being ripped away and he wasn’t at all ready for it. His friends weren’t interested in playing with him anymore. All they wanted to do was talk about girls and grown up things like drugs and irresponsible driving. Pressure from his parents and teachers to do well in exams had made him want to curl up and cry into his stuffies. When he had walked past the aisle of kids things there had been such a longing that he was only now realising. He had wanted to pick up the cuddly toys and play with them. Other people just saw toys but he saw pretend worlds full of fluffy, friendly dragons and princesses. He saw potential make-believe games. Most of all, he saw an escape from everything. From the stress of everyday life as a high-schooler. An escape that he could never have until now. So yeah, saying he was excited to get his gear was an understatement. </p><p>ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ</p><p>Felix sat on the new sofa as he watched Chan root around in his cupboard for the package. Because it was a new studio, he didn’t know where the best place to hide it would be so he had just piled things on top of it, a decision he quickly regretted after realising he couldn’t remember where he put it. The fact that it was an unfamiliar studio made Felix feel slightly uneasy. It was similar enough to the old room, probably better from Chan’s point of view as it had a bigger desk, more space and a sofa (the eldest had been delighted to discover this, the other members less so when they realisied how this meant he could sleep at the company. Despite this, Felix wished they still had the Chan’s old studio. He knew it so well and felt so comfortable there, it had only felt right that he opened his new gear in the more well-known of the two rooms.</p><p>Chan finally found the parcel and dragged it out from under a pile of old paperwork, bringing it over to Felix sitting cross-legged on the sofa. He handed it silently to the other, who grabbed it, scrabbling to open the flaps of the box. It was bigger than Felix had expected and he quickly found out that there were more products than he had been awake to help buy. “Hyung! How much did you buy? There’s loads here” Chan grinned sheepishly, flushing as he peered into the box to look at the contents again. “I’m sorry Lixie, hyung may have gotten a little carried away. I couldn’t help it, there were so many cute things that would have fitted you perfectly!” Felix giggled and shook his head but quickly went back to searching through the box; he was looking for a specific parcel. Grabbing what he thought was it, he tore the wrapping off and nestled inside layers of tissue paper were his pacifiers. He squealed involuntarily and grabbed one out of the packet, holding it up to show Chan. He brought it towards his mouth but hesitated, suddenly self-conscious. “hey, don’t worry, you should try it out. I don’t mind”.  Nodding, Felix puts the paci in his mouth and his muscles relax immediately, his mind was fuzzy and he felt warm and content all over. He’d dropped into little space almost instantaneously because of the paci. </p><p>Forgetting about the other packages, he stretches his hands towards Chan making grabby motions. Chan had been watching it all unfold with a smile on his face. He wasn’t surprised about Felix having a positive reaction to the pacifier, he had heard somewhere that infants use sucking on things to self soothe. He was glad at how effective it was anyway, the tiny, satisfied dimples appearing on Felix’s cheeks were a clear indicator of that. He realised he was taking to long to respond to Felix’s failed attempts to bring him closer and got up moving to sit next to Felix who was trying to tell him something through the pacifier. “O’pe fo please.” Chan stared cluelessly at the boy who had situated himself firmly on his lap as he repeated himself determinedly as if Chan were more likely to understand if he said it more times. Clearly, Felix concluded, his message was not getting across. “pease” he said again. Chan blinked at him owlishly. </p><p>A while later, Chan figured out what Felix was trying to convey. He wanted the caregiver to open the rest of the parcels for him. The soft huff Felix let out when Chan asked if that was what he wanted was borderline patronising, it was as if he was saying “duh hyungie, I thought it was obvious.” Needless to say, Chan felt defensive. He wasn’t sure how one should react when their friend who was regressed to the age equivalent of an infant insinuated that you were of less intelligence than them. Chan just shook his head and sighed. He booped Felix’s pacifier button “You should have let me clean that before you shoved it in you mouth baby boy. It could’ve been dirty.” Too late for that now he thought, reaching for a parcel in the box. </p><p>It feels like it’s fabric from the outside so he holds it away from Felix who is grabbing at it in a way that could rip it. Chan carefully unwraps it and inside finds a soft all-in-one pyjama with chicks on. He remembers seeing this and not being able to resist buying it. It was just so perfect. He went to show it to Felix but the younger didn’t appreciate the pattern as much as his caregiver, instead focusing on the tissue paper that it had been wrapped in. He clearly enjoyed to noises it made when he scrunched it and gurgled happily when Chan rolled it into a ball with a loud crunch. Chuckling, Chan handed the ball of paper back to Felix and went to unwrap some of the other bundles. “Of course you like the wrapping more than the actual things. I should have just got you a box of tissues huh?” Felix didn’t reply. He was absorbed in his paper. While Felix was playing, Chan unwrapped a bottle with little giraffes on, a soft fluffy blanket which he wrapped Felix in, some more cute clothes and some toys. Felix showed the most interest in the sensory blocks they had gotten. They had a crinkly sides and lots of textures as well as some moving parts and they seemed to interest Felix to no end. He dropped his paci to chew on the label of one, which had Chan scrabbling to find a paci clip in the box and wash it off before Felix got bored and returned to his paci. </p><p>Later, when Felix was in his adult headspace again, they cleared up the wrapping and Chan asked him what he wanted to take back with him to the dorm. They couldn’t take everything so he wanted Felix to pick out a few things to take to the dorm for emergencies and comfort for Felix. Unsurprisingly, he chose his angel pacifier, the blanket and the sensory blocks. Chan picked out some clothes as well and they packed everything else back into the box to go back into the studio’s closet. Chan put the selected items in his bag and they decided to keep them under Felix’s bed for now. </p><p>When they returned to the dorm the members were gathered around the table eating Chinese take out. It was easy for Felix to make an excuse and slip away quickly. He ran into his room and dropped on to his knees next to the bed, hurriedly lying on his front to slide the bag in as far as possible. His lower half was completely under the bed when he heard Minho’s curious voice. </p><p>“Felix? What are you doing?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What did you think? Did you enjoy it? Comment your thoughts if you like!.</p><p>Also, i'm curious, who is your skz biases? As you may be able to tell, mine are the aussie line :D</p><p>have a lovely day and remember to drink some water and do what makes you happy. If you would like to chat about anyhting my instagram is @sunny._.stay and my dms are always open for you!<br/>Lots of love and cuddles,<br/>~bubby&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello my wonderful beans! I apologise in advance, this chapter is a bit of a mess and I haven't read though it yet but I hope you enjoy it :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All the members froze when the sound of Felix’s cries reached the table, for a moment nobody moved before there was a frenzy to get to him. They all dropped what they were eating and scrambled to get out of their chairs but before anyone could leave the room Chan yelled at them all to sit back down and told them he would deal with whatever it was. He already had an idea of what might have happened and didn’t want to overwhelm the boy when he was feeling vulnerable and upset. He told the members that and after ensuring they were all seated firmly at the table he left, pausing at the door to tell them to stay where they where until he came and got them. </p><p>When he entered the room, Chan knew exactly what had happened. Felix was sitting on the floor next to his bed with his box clutched to his chest, wailing at the top of his lungs. Minho was kneeling next to him looking distressed. He was stroking the younger’s hair and murmuring something Chan couldn’t hear over Felix’s crying. Chan ran over to them, falling on to his knees and wrapping his arms around Felix who curled into him, sobbing uncontrollably. Chan pulled him onto his lap, whispering comforting words to him as he rocked him softly. Gradually, Felix’s cries subsided and he only sniffled occasionally. Chan looked up and met Minho’s eyes. The other man looked confused and a little scared. “What’s going on Chan hyung? What’s wrong with Lix?”<br/>“Nothing’s wrong with him, I think you just gave him a little bit of a scare.” Minho arched a brow at him. “He normally react better to ‘little scares’. Don’t you think?” Chan looked at the floor. <br/>“I’ll explain everything to you in a second ok? Just let me sort Felix out first. I have to ask him too.” Minho nodded simply. “Is there anything I can do to help?” <br/>“uh yeah actually, can you grab the bottle in there and make it? And don’t ask any questions just yet.” Nodding again, Minho stood up and walked over. He paused when he opened the box and saw all of Felix’s brand new regression items, he opened his mouth like he was going to say something but promptly closed it again and grabbed the bottle which was lying on the top. “Oh, and don’t let anyone else see it for now either ok?” <br/>“Sure hyung.” He reassured and left the room swiftly. As soon as he was gone Chan turned back to the boy in his lap who was still sniffling. “Oh dear, my poor baby. You’ve cried far too much recently huh.” He cooed as Felix looked up from his neck, red-rimmed eyes blinking innocently. “I don’t want to stress you out any more, but can you tell hyungie if it’s ok to tell Minho hyung about your tiny space?” Felix’s eyes began to water again and he let out a sad mewl as he brought his small fist to his mouth to suckle on aggressively. Chan quickly replaced it with the pacifier from the box, starting to rock the little again. After a while of rocking and softly humming to Felix, he took the paci part way out of his mouth and murmured gently that it was ok, he could explain to ‘Minnie ‘yungie’. Chan thanked him in a hushed tone as Felix hid himself back in Chan’s shirt. </p><p>Soon enough, Minho re-entered the room with a fully prepared bottle. Chan was honestly surprised at how easily he had made one but the only response to his shocked face was a shrug and “I used to babysit a lot”. Chan nudged Felix gently making him emerge from where he had been hiding his face in Chan’s hoodie. There was a sharp intake of breath from Lino when he saw the pacifier and his face softened into a small smile. “Hiya Lixie, are you feeling better now bub?” Felix just continued to suck on his paci anxiously, observing Minho’s expressions. “Can you or Channie hyung tell me why you were crying?” he said with a pointed look at Chan. Felix just sniffled again and Chan shook his head subtly, mouthing ‘later’. He reached out to take the bottle from Lino, moving Felix into a more secure position and taking his paci before he offered the teat to the squirming boy. As soon as he started to drink, he calmed down, eyelashes fluttering shut to rest on his cheeks, rosy from crying and sleepiness. His hand rested on Chan’s bigger one as he fed him, one fist closing around Chan’s index finger and pulling it closer to him for security. </p><p>Minho noticed, as he looked down at the pair, how enamoured Chan seemed with sleepy Lixie in his arms, and how innocent Felix looked. It struck him suddenly how childish and young the boy seemed, looking at them in that moment felt as though he was watching a new Father hold his baby for the first time. Everything about Felix looked far more delicate and fragile than usual and Chan’s face was open and loving. It felt intimate and endearing and Minho wanted to be a part of it. it looked like a family, like home. </p><p>They both watched in a content silence as Felix finished the bottle and then started to wriggle on Chan’s lap. His head hung from Chan’s arm as the caregiver tried to hold him more securely, he smiled toothily at Minho from upside-down and reached a little hand towards him, grabbing onto his hoodie string, letting out a gleeful giggle. “I think he wants you to hold him” Chan said in a hushed voice. Blinking in shock, Minho extended his arms to take Felix from Chan. The older caregiver made sure to check that Minho was properly supporting the regressor and kept a protective hand under Felix’s head despite trusting the other. </p><p>Once situated in the arms of his hyung, Felix spat his paci and shoved the hoodie string he had been clutching in his mouth making both the others laugh exasperatedly. Chan moved to take it from him but Lino just shook his head. “it’s fine, this hoodie needed a wash anyway.” Chan frowned but took his hand away, picking up the pacifier that had fallen on the floor as Minho bounced Felix happily. He was playing with him gently, one hand coming up behind Felix and poking his cheek, quickly taking it away again. They watched as Felix laughed joyfully each time he felt a pinch on his cheek, turning his head in what he thought was a speedy way, trying to catch the mystery cheek poker. After a while they stopped playing the game and played peek-a-boo with Chan. Minho held Felix up where he could see Chan who held up a book he had found and at random occasions would move to reveal his face. Each time Chan re-appeared, Felix would squeal with laughter and both of his hyungs would smile and coo brightly at him. They played for almost half an hour before Chan remembered the other members waiting outside patiently, probably worried about Felix. Immediately, he felt guilty for making them wait anxiously for so long and left to tell them everything was ok and to go to bed, as long as they don’t come into his room. He apologised to Changin, who he had to ask to sleep somewhere else but the man just shrugged, assuring it was no big deal.</p><p>Chan returned quickly back to the room to find Minho talking quietly to Felix in his arms. The younger seemed to have got his pacifier back and Chan didn’t doubt that it must’ve been a struggle to get him to give up the hoodie string. As he looked on silently from the doorway, he could hear Minho talking but he couldn’t quite make out what he was saying but the expression on Lix’s face suggested that it was enrapturing. The little was gazing up at Minho like he put the stars in the sky, his eyes wide in fascination, occasionally letting out a sweet, soft noise like he was trying to imitate what the older was saying. Smiling, Chan walked into the room and shut the door behind him carefully. “What are you two talking about?” Minho looked up suddenly in surprise but smiled back when he saw Chan. “Oh I was just telling Felix about Gottie’s adventures.” On saying this, Chan noticed what Minho had been holding this whole time, Felix’s giraffe stuffie was held in his right hand as he had been making small gestures to seemingly illustrate the story he had been telling Felix. “Oh? And what has Gottie been getting up to recently?” he said, laying along. “do you think that you could finish telling Lixie all about it when we’re all ready for bed?” getting the hint Minho quickly agreed, passing Felix back to Chan to get changed into more comfortable clothes to sleep in. </p><p>When he finished changing he turned around to see Chan holding Felix on his hip grinning as the boy grabbed at his hair interestedly. Chan had changed into sweats of his own and put Felix into a soft looking pink sleep onsie, the domesticity of the scene made his heart ache. He had no idea why Felix had suddenly started acting like a baby but he didn’t think he hated it. He looked so much happier and less stressed, not to mention the fact that he was adorable. He looked so sweet and childlike wrapped up in the warm embrace of his hyung, clutching gottie with one hand and sucking absent-mindedly as he fisted Chan’s hair with a tiny hand. Minho felt like he was falling in love with looking after him already, Felix’s clear vulnerability made him more protective and feel as if he were growing closer to him. Not only this but looking after Felix made him feel important and needed, like he was loved for what he was doing unconditionally, no matter what. He decided then and there that whatever was going on with Lixie, he wanted to help him as much as he could, all three of them were in this together now.</p><p>Chan beckoned Minho over to the bed where he was getting Felix settled. They had all brushed their teeth and everything had been fine until Felix decided he didn’t want to sleep, he wanted to keep playing. He had started crying slightly when Chan had firmly told him that he had to go to bed now, he had quickly tired of it though and the tears ending had brought a new drowsiness over the little which allowed the two elder men to get him in bed. They both now sat on the edge of his bed, Chan next to his head stroking his hair soothingly. “Minnie ‘yungie stowy please” he mumbled sleepily around his paci and Minho moved closer, taking the youngest’s hand as he started to describe the amazing world that Gottie had visited when they left the dorm. It was a world made completely of candy and Felix wanted to hear every single detail, it reminded him of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory which had been his dream to visit ever since he was little. Very soon, Felix’s eyes were drooping from Minho’s soft voice and Chan’s gentle ministrations and he quickly fell asleep. The two hyungs got up from where they had been perched on the edge of the bed and spoke in hushed whispers. <br/>“Can you explain what’s going on now please? Felix is ok right?” <br/>“Yeah, I’m sorry to keep you waiting but this is something Felix is kind of sensitive about so I wanted to wait. Thanks for being so patient by the way, you were so good with him, I’m honestly impressed.” Minho flushed and looked down at the floor, flattered. “Shall we move somewhere else so we don’t wake up the baby?” Chan asked, chuckling. Minho nodded in answer and walked to the door. Chan paused to pull the covers snugger around Felix’s sleeping figure, he turned to see Minho silhouetted against the light pouring in from the hallway- they had turned the light off earlier- and offered him a lopsided grin, and with one last glance at the peacefully sleeping boy, he left the room, tucking his arm in Minho’s affectionately. <br/>					           ^\ ᵔᴥᵔ /^</p><p>The two oldest members sat at the table facing eachother, Minho looking determined and Chan looking anxious. “So, what’s going on? And why was Felix acting so different?” Chan sighed. <br/>“You know how Felix has always acted a little bit less than his age, don’t you?” a hum of confirmation, all the members had noticed it and thought nothing of it, it was hard to miss. “Recently, he found out that there’s a name for that; it’s called age regression. It helps him to deal with all the stress. And to feel like a kid again, he left home before he was ready and now he wants to have that childhood back.” He looked at the other, unsure but Minho gestured for him to go on. “Age regression is a defence or coping mechanism that means that the individual who is regressing’s mindset goes back to that of a child so they think that they are a kid again. Lots of regressors like to do kid’s things like colouring, playing and watching cartoons. While regressed, usually they lose some motor and speech skills so some may have someone that looks after them, called a caregiver. I’m Lix’s caregiver so I make sure he’s safe and happy when he’s regressed which is also sometimes called ‘being in headspace’. Some caregivers get given titles a bit like parents and some even have a headspace like the regressor where they take care of someone to release stress. I think I’m probably one of those.” Chan confesses. He looks up to monitor Minho’s expression, trying to gauge his reaction.<br/>“Do you like it?” he finally says.<br/>“What?”<br/>“Do you like it? Looking after Felix, I mean.” <br/>“Um, yeah, I think he’s really cute. It stops me from overworking myself because I have to check on him, taking care of him is relaxing. And fun too.” Chan said. Minho smirked at him. “Whipped.” Chan ducks his head and lets out an amused puff of air. “Like you can talk Mr. ‘I made up an entire world to tell him a bedtime story’ Lee.” Minho rolled his eyes and scoffed. “We’re all whipped, Felix is the groups kid. Its impossible not to love him.” <br/>“At least we agree on one thing.” They both laughed but their smiles died out quickly, the atmosphere turning serious once more. “Why didn’t you tell us, If you knew how we all saw Felix as our baby then why did you keep it a secret. Don’t you two trust us?” <br/>“No, it wasn’t that we don’t trust you guys, it was that Felix wanted some time. We are both so new to this whole thing that he wanted some time to figure it all out. We don’t even know his age range in headspace yet!” The tension left the other’s shoulders as quickly as it had arrived.<br/>“That makes sense. Still, I’m glad you decided to tell me. Do you think that Felix would want another caregiver ever?” <br/>“I think he’d be delighted. Why, who’s asking?” Chan teased.<br/>“Ah hyungg, you know who.” Chan grinned cheekily and tilted his head.<br/>“Remind me?”<br/>“Me, hyung. Obviously, ugh why are you like this.”<br/>“Hey! You know you love me.” He replied smugly. <br/>“Yeah, maybe I do. Occasionally.” Minho paused for a second pensively. “I’d really like to be a caregiver I think. This whole thing makes Felix happier, and you as well. Do you think Felix would mind? I don’t want to impose.” Chan shook his head dismissively.<br/>“I bet Felix will be delighted. Although you may have to be patient with him, he’s a little shy. Oh, and do some research of your own too, there’s a lot of things that I didn’t cover when talking about it. It’s really good to be able to form you own opinion on something before you jump into it, but I think you should talk to Felix about becoming his caregiver. He’ll be flattered if nothing else I think.” Minho hummed in acknowledgement.  </p><p>“You mentioned about names; do you have one?” Minho questioned and Chan flushed, looking pointedly at his hands as they traced the grain of the table. “Uh, no. No, not yet.”<br/>“Do you want one?”<br/>“It’s Felix’s choice to give them. I really don’t want to put any pressure on him.”<br/>“You don’t have to make any decisions yet, but I suggest you talk to him. From what you’ve told me, this relationship has to work for both people, you want to make Felix comfortable in his headspace so he probably wants to make you comfortable in yours. As our leader I know that you know how important it is to communicate.” <br/>“Yeah I know, that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing though.” Chan whined.<br/>“Maybe, but you’re the only one that’s making it embarrassing. If you tell Felix, he’ll probably feel more comfortable about his regression.” Chan tilted his head slightly, thinking about it. <br/>“You’re right, as usual.” He sighed. “I promise I’ll talk to him soon.”<br/>“That’s good. We both have something to discuss with Felix soon then. Although I have a bad feeling it may be a while until we have the opportunity to talk with him. Have you seen our schedule lately? We’re gonna be insanely busy soon.” <br/>“Yeah, manager hyung showed me the other day, he said to get some good rest for the next couple of days.” Minho looked at his watch and shook his head.<br/>“That’s not going to happen I’m afraid. It’s 2 O’clock already.”<br/>“Oh, then we should probably go to bed now.” <br/>“Yeah. Good night hyung.” Minho said, rising from his chair.<br/>“Good night Minho. Sleep well and good luck with Lixie…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So...Felix might be getting another caregiver, Yeyyy! I think Minchan would make an amazing team and they would look after Felix super well :)). What do you think?</p><p>Remember to drink some water, eat something and do the things you love. If you ever want to chat about anything my instagram is @sunny._.stay and my dms will always be open for you to rant or talk.</p><p>lots of hugs,<br/>~bubby&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiya my beautiful beans! i hope everyone is doing well and all the drama that is currently happening isn't stressing you all out. I love you lots and i hope you enjoy this short update.&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The boys had recently been told that they were getting a week off for Christmas. The dorm was abuzz with excitement, it had been so long since they had had a whole week to themselves and lots of plans were being made between members and with friends from outside the group. While Felix was grateful for the holiday – he knew they all dearly needed it – he couldn’t help but feel left out. He was the only person who didn’t have family or friends to visit in Korea. Him and Chan had both decided they weren’t going back to Australia, Chan had made plans to meet with some friends from his trainee years but Felix quickly realised he didn’t have anyone. His training period had been too short to become particularly close with anyone and he had been too busy to meet many new people since he had arrived. He called Eric from The Boyz but he had apologetically told Felix that he was going to spend the holiday with his family. It left Felix with a lot of time to think up to the break, making him miss his own family and friends back home more than ever. Christmas always made him feel lonely. He would walk past all the bright colourful shop-fronts, his coat pulled up to shield his face from the cold, and see inside all the laughing groups of people; families, friends and lovers. He felt as though he had no one. He knew that it wasn’t true. He had his members, they were like a second family to him and he loved them as such too but sometimes it didn’t feel enough. He missed his mom and dad and sisters. He missed them so much it hurt sometimes, he wanted to hug his mom and go to the beach with his dad or decorate the Christmas tree with his sisters. To him, anything would be better than the emptiness that weighed on his chest, dampening his mood. It caused him to draw into himself becoming quieter. Of course, someone noticed this as soon as he started to push the others away. </p><p>Minho confronted him when they were practicing together. They had left early to go to the practice rooms to run through all the dances from their recent comebacks. They worked until late into the night, only stopping to eat a couple of times, even then Felix didn’t eat much, saying he would feel sleepy if he ate too much. Minho just nodded, accepting the excuse. It was as they finished going over God’s Menu when Minho paused the music, flopping tiredly down next to the mirror and gesturing for Felix to join him. He threw an arm over him when Felix fell to the floor by his side, curling up to him and yawning cutely. “Ew hyung, you’re sweaty”<br/>“Oi shut up brat, so are you.” They both giggled as Minho punched Felix’s arm gently, sighing affectionately. They fooled around a little longer, bickering playfully but after a while Felix’s face fell suddenly and he quietened once more. “What’s up? You’ve been doing this so much recently” Minho said as he saw Felix’s blank expression. “What do you mean? Been doing what?” Felix mumbled back. “This.” Minho repeated. “we’re having fun and then you seem to realise something and stop playing. Clearly something is wrong, tell me what it is. Maybe I can help you, Pixie” he insisted. The other dancer huffed, trying to look angry but failing and just looking sad, worrying Minho further. “I dunno hyung, I just miss Australia.” He paused “Christmas makes me think about them more, you guys are all leaving too. You’re all gonna see your friends and family and I’m just gonna be stuck at the dorm. The only thing I can do in the holidays is get in the way.” He said aggressively, spitting out the words like they were bitter in his mouth. Minho clicked his tongue, pulling the younger closer and rubbing up and down his arm soothingly. “Lixie, you’re never in the way. Even though we don’t always show it, we love having you around, we love you. You’re never a burden or an inconvenience to us, you’re so precious to us. If you felt lonely none of us would hesitate to drop everything to spend time with you.” He smiled softly at Felix, pressing a feather-light kiss to the crown of his head. </p><p>Felix hummed softly. “I know that hyung, I love you guys too. It’s just..” he hesitated, blushing. “I feel like I’m giving you and Channie hyung more work because I can’t look after myself properly sometimes. I should make up for it by doing more.” He murmured shyly.<br/> “Is this about your little space?” Minho questioned and Felix shrugged, nodding, in reply. “Oh Angel, me and Channie hyung don’t mind at all. I’ve only taken care of you once and I already think you’re adorable while regressed. Don’t you worry about tiring us out because seeing you so happy and relaxed makes us happy. We’re doing this because we want too. Me and Chan talked the other day and I was wondering if I could become one of your proper care-givers?” It was Minho’s turn to blush then, suddenly becoming shy. “I dunno, I just think it would be useful to have two of us being there when you’re small, it would be safer and easier. It’s only if you would like that of course, whatever you say is fine. I don’t mind but I did really like taking care of small you and so does Chan hyung and I-.” He was cut off by a hand over his mouth. Felix was grinning. “Hyung you’re babbling. I would love it if you were both to be there. The other day it was so nice spending time with the both of you, I felt closer to you guys.” </p><p>For a moment they held eye-contact, Felix smiling softly but then Felix pulled his hand away like he had been burned. “Hyung you licked me?! That’s gross!” he screeched. Minho was cackling but squealed as well when Felix reached over and cleaned his hand on the other’s t-shirt. “Hey no fair!” he exclaimed but Felix just mimicked him and pulled a face. Minho huffed “You really are a child hm.” Felix just grinned, sticking his tongue out the older. “Hey brat!” he yelled as Felix ran and hid in the corner of the room, giggling. Minho chased after him and they ended up playing a game of tag in the practice room until Jeongin came in, clearly judging them. </p><p>“Why are you guys shouting? I can hear it all the way from the vocal practice rooms.” Minho bounced over to Jeongin to smother him in a hug which made the younger pull a face in mock disgust and push a grinning hyung away from himself. Felix skipped up from behind and wrapped his arms around his new care-giver, hanging off him dangerously to reach out to Innie and boop his nose, laughing. “Sorry Innie. Did we disturb your lesson? We promise we’ll be quieter now.” <br/>“Nah, it’s ok hyungs. I was gonna head back to the dorm now. Are you guys done? We can head back together, I already called manager hyung to pick me up.” <br/>“Sure, I think we’re all done now right Lixie?”<br/>“Yep. We’ll come back with you! Just let me get my stuff.” Both dancers scrambled to grab their bags and throw on coats. Running over excitedly to Jeongin who just shook his head, mystified as to why they were both so energetic all of a sudden. </p><p>They all walk to the car waiting outside the building for them in comfortable chatter and greet their manager, thanking him for picking them up so late at which he smiled kindly and assured them it was ok. They drove back to the dorms quietly, a pleasant sleepiness settling over them after their long tiring day. Minho glanced back from the front seat after about five minutes of driving to find Felix and Jeongin dozing together, Felix’s head nestled sweetly on the maknae’s shoulder and Jeongin’s own resting atop of the others. The eldest smiled gently tenderly at the peaceful pair. He may have snapped a quick picture but if he did that was his business. When they finally arrived at the dorms he felt guilty to disturb their content slumber. As if to solve his internal conflict, Jeongin’s eyes opened slowly and he blinked, disorientated as he awoke. He noticed Minho looking at him and scowled. “Were you watching me sleep?” <br/>“What?! No, I was trying to figure out how hard it would be to lug you two up three flights of stairs.”<br/>“And?”<br/>“I definitely couldn’t do it.”<br/>“Figures.” They both paused for a minute and Jeongin turned around to see Felix was sleeping too. “I bet I could carry him. We don’t have to wake him up.” And then after a beat he added “He looks so cute.” Minho nodded. “Ok, if you get tired tell me and I’ll take him from a bit. And be careful not to drop him.” In response, Jeongin stood up and put one arm beneath Felix’s head to support it and, with what looked like almost no effort, he lifted him up, holding him like a baby. They thanked the manager again, Minho waving as he drove off, and then began their ascent up to the dorm. The whole way up Minho fussed around the two younger members. He constantly checked that Jeongin was keeping him secure and that his head was supported. The whole time, Innie just laughed and said not to worry, he wasn’t going to drop him but none the less the other still clucked around the two like a mother hen. </p><p>When the three of them reached the dorms, they were greeted by an enthusiastic Jisung who shouted hello to them from across the dorm but was quickly shushed angrily by the pair. Jisung came over to see what the fuss was and cooed at Felix who had nuzzled into Jeongin’s neck and was sucking on his shirt. “He looks adorable.” He exclaimed in a stage whisper. “Can I hold him. I can put him to bed. I promise I’ll be careful hyung.” He said after receiving the sceptical look from Minho who then nodded to Jeongin to pass him over. The youngest carefully prised his shirt away from Lix and moved him into Jisung’s waiting arms. He then watched him walk away, bouncing Felix softly, with Minho trailing behind, occasionally silently reprimanding him with wild gestures.</p><p>Minho and Jisung reached Felix’s bed easily and Jisung went to put him down but quickly realised a small hand was fastened tightly around the button of his shirt. If he put Felix down now, it was clear it would rip so he simply lay down still holding the smaller. “Are you going to sleep here too then?” Minho asked. “Yeah I might as well. Can you pass me Gottie for Lix please?” minho hummed in assent and went over, collecting the stuffed to giraffe and then handing it to Jisung who placed it next to Felix’s untroubled face and then snuggled up to him. Minho’s features softened again at the sweet display of affection and his heart weakened. He leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Felix’s cheek and then similarly on Jisung’s forehead. Before the other could comment he muttered under his breath “don’t even think about it.” Jisung merely smiled.<br/>“Goodnight hyung. I love you.” Minho blushed but replied gently. <br/>“Yeah Sungie. I love you too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What did you think? if you would like, comment your thoughts down below. i always appreciate any kind of feedback! Remember to drink water and spend some time outside and if you need a place to rant and talk my dms are always open (@sunny._.stay on insta) <br/>lots of hugs and kithes,<br/>~bubby༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The holiday starts and all lots of the members leave to see their families. Chan and Felix talk about what their relationship is.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello my wonderful beans! I hope you have all been doing well and you enjoy this update, I haven't read through it so it could make absolutely no sense at all but i wanted to post it fast because i missed you all&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Minho leaves the room silently, so as not to wake Felix. He closes the door carefully behind him, smiling to himself as he remembers the sweet, sleepy faces of the two younger members as he kissed them goodnight. He headed to the living room and found Chan sprawled out on the sofa with his head phones, tapping away at his laptop keyboard. The blue light of the screen picked out all the dips in his face and all of a sudden he looked so tired to Minho. He shook his head and walked over to the older man, tapping his shoulder gently. The other jumped – clearly hadn’t noticed Minho when he came into the room – and removed his headphones partly, looking up and smiling. “What’s up?”<br/>“Nothing, I was just wondering when you were gonna go to bed. You sort of look like you need it.” Chan scoffed. “Oh thanks Minho, you’re no stunner yourself right now.” Minho gasped in mock offence, clutching a hand to his hand to his chest dramatically. He knew he may not look his best right now but that was irrelevant. His pride had been wounded. “How very dare you, I look flawless all the time.” He defended at which Chan just raised an eyebrow, saying silently ‘you and I both know that’s not true. Minho internally cursed at Chan and rolled his eyes. “Whatever hyung, I’m going to shower in a minute. So when are you going to bed?” Chan took his headphones of fully and scrunched his face up in thought. “Maybe a couple of hours?” he said flinching at Minho’s disapproving glare. “How urgent is the work you’re doing? Do you have a deadline or something?”<br/>“I….” he hesitated under Minho’s unwavering stare “No, not really. But I-” Minho cut him off quickly “But nothing. You need to sleep, I wanna make sure you aren’t far too exhausted to actually enjoy your week off. Can’t you go to bed at a slightly reasonable time this once? Just for me?” he pouted. Chan opened his mouth to protest but his face softened. “Ok, just this once. Although I’m not even that tired.” Minho perked up considerably, grinning smugly now he had achieved his goal. <br/>“I’m going to go have a shower but I will meet you back here in about 15 minutes and then we can both get some rest. Cool?” Chan nodded<br/>“Cool.” He agreed and watched as Minho sped off in the direction of the bathroom, shaking his head affectionately.<br/>					                                                                                      ~(˘▾˘~)<br/>The next day, the dorm was in chaos. Suitcases and backpacks full of luggage were everywhere. Half the group were rushing about the dorm desperately searching for last minute things and the rest weren’t even out of bed yet. Felix sat, legs crossed, rocking back and forth and hugging Gottie as he watched the others fly about the room. He still had no plans to go anywhere special but he didn’t mind so much anymore, Minho’s words from the other day comforting him whenever he started to feel left-out. He did feel a little sad that the older was leaving so soon after he had found out about Felix’s secret but (in Minho’s own words) he would be back before Felix knew it and Chan would be there almost all the time. He had made a promise to his new caregiver that he would make sure that Chan didn’t try to work too much, he had taken this oath very seriously and had pinkie sworn that when Minho got back Chan would be well rested and relaxed. At that Minho had grinned and ruffled his hair with a proud smile and kissed his head. </p><p>Felix smiled at the memory, however he was quickly broken out of his thoughts when Hyunjin ran in, slamming the door on his way in and muttering something about a hairband under his breath like a mantra. Upon seeing Felix, Hyunjin stopped to greet him with a smile. “Well hey there sleepyhead. When did you wake up?” Felix giggled at the nickname and bounced off the bed up to the taller boy, Gottie dangling in a petite fist “About half an hour ago. What are you looking for Jinnie?” <br/>“I’ve lost my wash bag, I can’t seem to find it anywhere. Have you seen it recently.” Felix shook his head apologetically and Hyunjin smiled consolingly “It’s ok, I didn’t think you would’ve.” He turned to leave the room, walking to the door but just before he left he turned around, smirking over his shoulder teasingly. “Nice pyjamas by the way, they look cute on you. Are they new?” He left before the other had a chance to reply. Felix glanced down at his clothes, remembering what he was wearing. <br/>				                                                                                                ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ</p><p>He had woken up in the middle of the night, smothered by the pressing heat because of Jisung who felt like a human radiator. He got up, falling over Jisung’s sleeping from onto the floor. He waited, every muscle in his body tensed, to see if he had disturbed the other but he just turned over and carried on sleeping. Breathing a sigh of relief Felix had looked around, trying to figure out something to do to cool himself down. He remembered the box under his bed and lay down on his belly to reach beneath the slats. He pulled the box out, cringing at the scraping noise it made against the floor, and opened it. He rustled around for a while, trying to find something cooler to wear. After a short while, he decided on a short onsie. It a was a romper style onsie and it wouldn’t be too hot as the legs and arms were cut short to be more breathable. It was printed with sweet little elephant’s and embroidered into the front were the words “little one”. Felix knew it wasn’t the most subtle but the writing was in English and he could pass it off as just being more comfortable pyjamas, which wasn’t a lie, it was much nicer than his usual sleep clothes. Once again, he shook his head at how Chan had splashed out on him. He couldn’t help but feel guilty, he knew how expensive some of these things could be and while he had insisted he pay for some of them, Chan had simply told him the rest would be a gift. </p><p>Felix had quietly slipped it on and gone back to bed only to see that the older had spread out across the whole mattress, leaving no gap for Felix to squeeze back into. For a second the only sound in the room was the regular breathing of the two sleeping boys in the room and then the sound of a door opening cut through the quiet. “Lix hyung? What are you doing up?” Jeongin stood in a hoodie and basketball shorts in the doorway. “I could ask you the same thing.” The younger shook his head. “No I meant, I put you to bed. You were asleep. Is everything ok? I heard noises.” <br/>“Oh, I’m sorry if I scared you Innie. I got too hot because of the lump that is Han Jisung who has stolen my bed. I swear that he was a hot water bottle in his past life.” Felix whispered. He walked closer to Jeongin so to talk to him easier. “I was just gonna get changed and then go back to bed but he rolled over and now there’s no space left for me.” He pouted deeply, making the younger chuckle and put an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug comfortingly. Felix rested his head drowsily in the crook of the other’s neck, yawning widely.</p><p> Jeongin cooed at his hyung internally, watching him curl into his chest like a sleepy kitten. He had only just noticed Felix’s pyjamas and the urge to pick him up and pinch his cheeks like he was a toddler was overwhelming. However, he reminded himself that he was supposed to respect and look up to his elders and managed to restrain himself. While he respected Felix deeply as his hyung, he knew that babying him so blatantly could be seen as a disrespectful action so he satisfied himself with simply holding him close to himself protectively. “You can come and sleep in my bed if you want, I was just about to go to when I heard you.” Felix looked up with wide eyes, startled. “Really? I thought you liked the extra space.” <br/>“I do, but I don’t mind sharing with you. It’s not like you take up much room anyway. Where’s Gottie, don’t you want to take him?” Felix flushed, realising how obvious his childlike traits must be for so many members to know about them. He was letting them baby him far too much and he knew he should stop them before he ended up regressing by accident and revealing his little secret to them. Although day by day, he was questioning if he really wanted to keep it a secret. The way they all looked after him made him feel so small and love, he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to regress freely around the dorm. It would take some of the stress away for both him and his care-givers…</p><p>“Felix?” He jumped at Jeongin’s voice bringing him down from the clouds.<br/>“Yeah, I’ll go get him now.” He replied absently, trudging over to his bed and gently tugging his giraffe from where it was wedged uncomfortably under one of Jisung’s arms. He carefully hugged him, worried for a second that he might be hurt from being squished in such an ungainly fashion. He quickly shook that thought away, telling himself that was ridiculous, stuffies don’t have nerves so there’s no way they could feel the weight. Nevertheless, he handled him gentler than usual as he walked back to Jeongin who was waiting at the door with an outstretched hand. He took the expectant hand and together they walked down the corridor to Jeongin’s room. He lay down after the other, both silently due to Jeongin’s sleeping roommates. He rested his head on Jeongin’s arm to sleep and quickly fell unconscious, the world slipping away into a peaceful darkness. He was sure he dreamt of something beautiful that night.</p><p>When Felix awoke, Jeongin was gone and he could hear voices outside of the door in the hallway. He suddenly remembered what day it was then. The first day of the holidays! Despite his earlier doubts, he was still excited for their break. He knew that they could all use the rest. He rolled onto his back, closing his eyes again and smiling to himself as he thought of all the free time he would have. He lay there peacefully for a while wondering what he should do, eat a lot of nice things of course, it had been a while since he could eat what he liked. He also thought he would like to spend some time properly with Chan. Maybe he could ask the older if he would like to spend a day together. He pushed himself up into a sitting position, crossing his legs and rubbing his eyes. That was when Hyunjin had walked in, searching for his bag as Felix blinked at the soft morning light. </p><p>                                                                                                                             ♡＾▽＾♡</p><p>Felix and Chan made their way back up to the dorm after seeing the other boys off. They had watched with mixed emotions as each one threw their bags in the trunks of taxis and waved goodbye. While they were pleased they would all get to see their family, it would be strange to not have them around like they were so used to. The routine all eight of them had would fall out of place with only two of them, they couldn’t help but feel a little lonely as Seungmin had hugged them both goodbye or as Han and Hyunjin waved frantically from the window of his taxi, blowing kisses and just generally being dramatic. Felix had silently linked their hands in companionship as they walked back into the now-quiet entrance way or the apartment. Chan threw himself down onto the sofa, grabbing the remote from the small coffee table nearby and turning on the TV to a random channel. What looked like a nature program was playing and as, on screen, a tiger prepared to jump on it’s unsuspecting prey, Felix readied himself to strike and then leapt on to the couch, landing straight on top of Chan. Chan let out a surprised breath his eyes bugging. “Gotcha!” Felix yelled, grinning ear-to-ear down at the older. “Oh god.” He gasped. “Lixie baby, you scared me so much.” Chan laughed and grabbed Felix’s arm, pulling him down to wrap him in his arms easily. Felix squirmed for a bit in an attempt to escape but quickly realised it was futile and relaxing into the warmth radiating off of Chan’s body. They both became sleepy again from the warmth and quiet noises of David Attenborough narrating the show from the TV (a/n I’m sorry but I love David Attenborough with my everything.) and they dozed off happily together knowing they didn’t have any alarms that would rudely awake them.</p><p> </p><p>When Felix came round, he could smell something sweet and the sounds of cooking coming from the kitchen. He heaved himself off of the couch and followed the smell to Chan standing next to the oven as he pancake batter into a frying pan. He turned around upon hearing Felix’s soft footsteps. “Oh, you’re awake! Would you like some pancakes? Neither of us ate breakfast.” Felix nodded sluggishly in reply and walked closer to Chan, dragging his feet. He hugged him from behind, and nuzzled his face drowsily into the others back, basking in the warmth and the smell of sugar all around him. He could feel all of Chris’s movements through his back as he cooked, careful to not move to much and nudge Felix from where he was leaning, supported by the other. Felix moved so his chin was resting on Chan’s shoulder as to watch what he was doing and laughed at what he saw. Chan had made a pancake in the shape of a heart and another in the shape of an ‘F’ for Felix. He giggled “Nice pancakes.” <br/>Chan turned his head to look at Felix on his shoulder, laughing. “Oh you like them? I’m glad.” <br/>“Chris you are the biggest sap in the whole wide world.” Chan gasped at him, mock feigning hurt. “I think that’s a bit of an exaggeration Pixie. It’s just a pancake.” He smiled lopsidedly. “It’s in the shape of a heart.” Felix said, raising his eyebrows mockingly. “Is it for me? Do you love me that much Channie Hyung?” he fluttered his eyelashes teasingly. Chan threw his head back and roared with laughter at Felix’s antics but once he caught his breath he smiled affectionately at him and placed a quick kiss on his cheek. “Of course I love you, you’re my baby Lixie. My little brother.” </p><p> </p><p>Felix flushed and smiled at his sincerity. “I love you too hyung.” He paused, locking his eyes with the other. “I don’t think I ever thanked you for accepting me so easily. You took everything in your stride so easily, and you’re the best caregiver anyone could ask for. It just made me think. I’m your baby Lixie, so what are you?” Chan blinked slowly, his expression morphing into one of realisation. “You mean you want to give me a name?” Felix looked down, breaking their eye contact, suddenly shy. “Hey it’s ok. I would actually love it if you gave me one. Me and Minho were talking about it the other day, I was saying I would like to have one and he told me I should talk to you but I guess you beat me too it.” He scratched his neck awkwardly. “What where you thinking?” Red was now dusted high on his cheeks as he tried to feel less shy. “I dunno really, what do you wanna be called?” he stumbled over his words , nervousness clear in his voice. He stepped away from Chan, who turned so they were facing eachother. “I was thinking maybe a few different ones? For when you’re in different age ranges?” Felix could hear the insecurity in Chan’s voice and it made him realise that this was awkward for both of them, it was ok that he was nervous because it’s all new to them both. He took a deep breath to calm himself. “That’s a good idea, I hadn’t thought of that. When I’m older I think it would be easier to just stick with hyungie, but I don’t normally feel older than 4 I think so maybe…” he hesitated, weighing his options in his head. “Dada?” he glanced up to see the other’s reaction. His face was completely blank for a second, he was obviously processing what had just been said, and then his mouth split into a huge smile, making his eyes turn to crescents. “Aw Lixie, that’s the cutest name ever! I’m so glad you suggested it, I would love to be your dada.” His expression turned sincere once more and he pulled the little into a tight hug, murmuring under his breath. “I’m going to be the best dada ever Angel, I promise.</p><p>			                                                                                                 	(◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*。</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What did you all think? if you would like, comment your thoughts down below, constructive critisism is always welcome, i want to improve my writing to make this story better for you guys. I'm also curious, if I were to take requests later on in the story, would you like that? Do you think you would make a request?</p><p>I hope you're all happy and healthy. Don't forget to drink lots of water, eat something and do the things you love! If you need a place to talk or rant my insta dms are always open for you (@sunny._.stay) &lt;3<br/>Love and kithes, <br/>~bubby xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felix is left home alone while chan goes out with friends, what will he get up to?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm not quite sure what kind of things I should put warnings for but tw!minor injury and cw!food and drink.</p><p>Also, hello my little stars!! I'm so happy to be back. I was swamped with things I didn't want to do so I didn't get enough time to write for a long time. Please take this extra long chapter as an apology. I hope you all haven't forgotten me over my mini, accidental hiatus.</p><p>This chapter is slightly messy, i only read through about the first half before i gave up and decided to post it anyway. I hope I can rely on your suspension of disbelief!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As he watched the characters move about on the screen, he found himself un-focusing. This show was boring, he didn’t know what was going on, the plot was too complicated, and the colours were drab and dull. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t know what else to do. Chris was out with some of his friends and, while he had told Felix to call him if he wanted anything, Felix thought that ‘I’m bored’ was hardly an emergency desperate of Chan’s attention. He rolled off the sofa, landing on his stomach on the soft carpet. He army-crawled across the floor, the rug rubbing his knees painfully. He didn’t notice too much, focused on getting to the remote which had fallen from his hand earlier and rolled away. He grabbed the remote and flicked through the channels, he stopped on seeing bright colours. It was Octonauts!</p><p>The bright theme tune played from the TV, bringing him back to his childhood. He could remember watching this from a similar position on the floor. He would watch it every morning as he ate breakfast, usually toast with jam and peanut butter or something similar, and always with a glass of milk. His mother would watch him with a gentle expression from the kitchen as he laughed along with the characters and sung along with the music. He stared at the screen, completely enraptured by the talking animals, he felt so small as he was flooded with memories of those slow, gentle mornings. He giggled delightedly at the program, gasping when a problem arose. He knew in the back of his mind that he was regressing but he pushed it away, it was fine because he was at home. Nothing would happen as long as he stayed in the dorm. So he let go, falling into that easier headspace and letting the warm feeling wash over him, getting lost in the cartoon once more. </p><p>A couple of episodes in, he was bored again. Octonauts had long since finished and something about basic maths was now playing out on the screen. He pouted; he didn’t care about numbers. Maths is rubbish anyway. He picked up the remote and held it in both hands, fumbling a bit when he tried to press the buttons. He managed to switch through the channels fine, pausing on a random one. He didn’t read the title; it had looked long and complicated. Big tasks like reading felt impossible to him in his current headspace. He continued to watch the TV happily. </p><p>There was a boy cycling along a corridor in a tricycle. Felix thought it looked fun, maybe he could have a go on the other little boy’s bike. The music that had been soft and soothing, was gradually turning more sinister as he watched, and it made him feel nervous. Why was it doing that? The boy was just cycling. The music picked up again, getting faster and faster until it suddenly stopped. There was the sound of a door opening, painfully slow. The camera panned round to show a creature in the doorway and there was a bloodcurdling scream from the little boy.</p><p> Felix burst into tears and scrambled away from the TV wailing. He tried to run away but tripped on the edge of the rug and went sprawling across the floor, hitting his head on the coffee table as he fell. White hot pain seared across his forehead, making him cry harder. It hurt so much, and the TV was still screaming. It was scaring him. He wanted it to stop so much. He wanted his Dada to come and make it stop. Where was he? It took minutes of screaming “Dada!” for him to realise he was not coming. No one was coming to comfort him. He curled himself tightly into a ball on the ground, shivering and letting out an occasional sob. The noises from the movie still played, making him jump each time a loud noise sounded, causing a fresh bout of sobs to wrack his body. </p><p>He lay there for what felt like hours. The movie had finished and he had stopped crying, but his muscles were still tense, keeping him in a tight circle. He was just starting to relax when he heard a key turn in the lock. That meant Dada was home. Felix sprung up from where he had been lying and raced to the door as fast as he could on wobbly legs. </p><p>Chan let out a surprised gasp when Felix hit him running as soon as he opened the door. It took a few moments for him to realise the younger was crying. He quickly saw that the other was regressed and very upset. Tears were streaming down his face and his expression was terrified, he was clasping onto the front of Chan’s coat like his life depended on it. Chan pulled Felix into a hug, sitting down with him on his lap in the middle of the hallway, rocking back and forth to calm him. He murmured softly into Felix’s ear, shushing him gently and reassuring that he was here, and it was safe.</p><p>                                                                                                                          (づ◡﹏◡)づ</p><p>Once Felix’s cries had quietened to pitiful sniffles, Chan dared to take an arm away from around the younger. He lifted his face to look up so he could see if anything was wrong, and he was met with glassy, tearful eyes. As Felix pouted up at him, he noticed a gash on his head. It didn’t look too serious, but it would explain why the boy was crying. Tutting sympathetically, Chan stood up, picking up Felix as well, and walked with him to the bathroom. </p><p>He sat him next to the sink but as he let go Felix’s cries became harder and he grabbed onto any piece of clothing he could find. Pulling on his shirt sleeve and grabbing his hand, his tiny fingers holding one of Chan’s in an attempt to make him stay. “Lixie, sweetheart. You have to let me go if you want me to make your head feel better. Don’t you want me to fix it?” Felix merely blinked at him unhappily. It didn’t look like he had heard what Chan had said. He had definitely slipped deep into his headspace if he was having trouble understanding what was being said to him. Chan sighed and patted his head carefully as to avoid the cut. “Ok let’s have a look at your head then huh?” he crouched to look closely at it, it looked clean but slightly bruised. Not letting go of the little’s hand, he reached over to the medicine cabinet on the wall near the bath, opening it and reaching in to retrieve a few things. The further he got away the more Felix would whine so he tried to stay as close as he could, but he knew he couldn’t carry him around the whole day without hurting one of them. He resolved to just carry him for now as he disinfected the wound, making Felix wince at the sharp pain and tug on Chan’s shirt in discontent. “I know, Angel. Don’t worry it’ll only last a few seconds.” </p><p>As he treated Felix’s cut, he kept up a calming stream of chatter to give Felix something to focus on, telling him about anything that came to mind. He talked about the music he had been working on recently, how his morning with his friends had gone and everything else in between. He quickly finished by putting a plaster over the hurt area.</p><p> The only kind that Chan could find were some they had left over from a photoshoot with teddy bears on. They had had spares at the end of the shoot so the director had given them to the group. Lastly, he placed a soft kiss over the band-aid. “All better!” he declared. “How about we get some lunch?” The only response he got from Felix was a wide gummy smile so he interpreted it as agreement. “You must be hungry little star; I don’t think you’ve eaten all day.” </p><p>Once again, he picked Felix up, holding him securely against his chest, and made his way into the kitchen where he placed the little down at the table. Felix had calmed down significantly since Chan had patched him up and didn’t fuss when he was put down. He simply amused himself by banging out a rhythm on the tabletop clumsily and sucking his thumb. </p><p>Chan busied himself with preparing something for them to eat, he settled on ramen so he could be quick and focus on Felix rather than the cooking. They played peek-a-boo as the kettle rumbled in the background. Felix was back to his mostly old self although he had flinched slightly at too sudden movement. When he laughed at the game Chan pinched his cheeks, cooing at how precious he was. He never seemed to get tired of the game. Seemingly mystified when Chan pretended to hide behind his hands.</p><p> It never ceased to amaze Chan how like a child he really was, when he moved it was as though he was only just learning how. His voice was used only rarely and when it was it sounded sweet and childlike, bubbling with laughter. He seemed interested in everything around him, interacting with completely normal things as if they were miracles. Not to mention the way he clung to his caregivers, so small from where he would stand with them, always wanting to be with one of them. Chan found it adorable, each of Felix’s mannerisms endeared him and made it easy to differentiate between his little and big headspaces. It angered Chan to know that some people could be so cruel about something so innocent and pure, especially with how much he knew it helped people. </p><p>He had recently made new accounts on some social medias to help him and get tips from other caregivers, the community had been welcoming and nothing but kind but got so much hate from ignorant people each day. It upset him to see a harmless coping mechanism used against good people who genuinely needed it. (a/n sorry this turned into a rant- It just makes me sad how nice people suffer a lot because of ignorance.) </p><p>Chan shook his head to clear his thoughts, pouring the boiling water into a pan and sending up a cloud of hot steam. He dropped the noodles into the water and emptied the flavour packet as well, filling the room with a sharp savoury smell. Felix had gone quiet, watching the boiling water with an innocent fascination. Chan grinned to himself at Felix’s astounded face and gently picked him up to take him closer. As the caregiver had predicted, Felix tried to touch the hot pan. He drew him away and put him back down when he kept trying to grab the water. “Careful little star, the bubbles are hot. We can’t touch them, ok?” Chan reprimanded him lightly. Felix giggled and put a small hand on the other’s cheek. “bubbol” he parroted. Chan chuckled and smiled down at him, curling his hand around Felix’s fist resting on his face. “That’s right baby, bubbles. Do you like them?” Felix screwed up his face in an imitation of Chan when he was deep in thought. “Li’e” Chris kissed his cheek, still giggling. Felix squealed from the ticklish feeling and squirmed in Chan’s hold. The older quickly put him down in fear of dropping him, earning a whine from the little who made grabby hands for him as soon as he was sat on his chair. Chan booped his nose breaking Felix’s pout with a tiny giggle.</p><p>The ramen finished cooking fast and soon Chan was serving it out onto a plate for Felix, simply resolving to eat his out of the pan.  He started to feed Felix his since the younger had decided it would be a good idea to eat with his fingers. Each bite he gave to Felix earned a happy wiggle. When he had finished his mouthful, he would stare at Chan with his mouth open like a baby bird, waiting for Chan to finish his own food. </p><p>When they finished, Chan picked Felix up again as he was reaching for him once more. The little clung to his front like a koala and stuck his shirt collar in his mouth, as had become a habit of his. Upon noticing this, Chan prised it away from his mouth, tutting his disapproval and took him to their room where he lay him on the bed to retrieve the box from underneath. He grabbed the yellow pacifier and handed it to Felix, who just stared at it and then put the bejewelled guard in his mouth making Chan yelp and take it off him again so he didn’t break it.  Shaking his head, he placed the paci in Felix’s mouth again. This time the right way round, receiving a cute smile from Felix that hid his eyes. Chan giggled back at him, grinning adoringly at the sweet, freckled face beaming up at him. He reached out with one hand and squished his cheeks together, leaning to place a kiss on Felix’s nose. “Luv ‘oo da” Felix mumbled through Chan’s fish squish. </p><p>The older blinked in disbelief at the little’s words, his heart had dropped in his stomach like he was on a rollercoaster when he had heard that name. It was hard to be exactly sure what he had said because of the squished cheeks and his evident struggle to speak while regressed but Chan was almost positive. He had used the name they had talked about, it made sense yet as it dawned on him, he couldn’t help the rush of emotion. He felt as though he could cry, he felt overwhelmed by the proudness in his chest. A warmth spread from his heart all the way to the tips of his fingers. </p><p>While all this had run through the caregiver’s head he had frozen, mightily confusing Felix who, as he looked now, had tilted his head to the side like a lost puppy. “Dada loves you too Lixie, baby.” Chan said and swept the boy into his arms, spinning them both around making Felix squeal gaily and wrap his arms around Chan’s neck. Chan pulled him close and blew a raspberry on his cheek, earning more high-pitched, childish giggles. “I love you all the way to the moon and back, my baby star.” Felix nuzzled against Chan’s cheek contentedly, resting his head on his shoulder trustingly. “Lov’ Dada to moon too!” He murmured. Chan cooed at the way Felix imitated his words. Chan had noticed that another habit Felix had while regressed was to copy his caregivers in everything and he found it precious. After all, they do say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. </p><p>Soon after, Chan noticed Felix’s head starting to nod so he put him down for a nap after quickly brushing his teeth and changing him into a cute onesie. Once Felix was sound asleep, he sat down on the sofa, turning on the tv to flick through the channels. After a while of looking for something to watch he settled on a random comedy show and settled down, checking the clock and setting a timer for when to wake Felix up from his nap. He relaxed into the couch, shuffling around to get comfy and eventually just picking up his phone to scroll through social media, looking at all the messages sent from their stays as his mind strayed from work, for what felt like the first time forever.<br/>				 (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)<br/>Chan startled when his phone started buzzing aggressively against the tabletop. He picked it up and silenced the alarm, making the flashing reminder to “Wake Felix Up Now!!!” disappear. He paused the film he had been watching and got up, stretching as he made his way to the bedroom. He hesitated for a second as he stood next to the bed, wondering if Felix would still be regressed when he woke him up. He usually awoke feeling big but that was with a full night of sleep so this time could be different. He shrugged and crouched down, either way he should wake him up gently, he could not predict how the little might be feeling. </p><p> </p><p>Placing a gentle hand on the sleeping boy’s shoulder, he called quietly out. “Rise and shine, sweetheart.” Felix shifted in his sleep, his nose scrunching. However, his face relaxed once more, creases smoothing peacefully in his slumber. Chan tried again, bringing a hand up to his head to smooth Felix’s hair, which had fallen across the pillow like a flaxen halo. That, paired with his delicate, softened features, gave him the appearance of a tiny pixie that had lost its way and curled up on the snowy sheets to rest. </p><p> </p><p>“Come on Lixie, it’s time to wake up. You won’t be able to go to sleep if you nap too long.” Felix shifted, his eyes fluttering open to gaze at Chan warmly in recognition. He closed his mouth so as not to drop the pacifier that had been dangling precariously from his lips and started to suckle rhythmically, making a happy noise in the back of his throat. He reached up with a small hand and grabbed at Chan’s hair, giggling sleepily as his caregiver smiled and pulled a silly face at him. </p><p> </p><p>“What do you want to do today Lixie?” he questioned, neither of them had any plans, giving them the whole afternoon to kill. “Wan’ play” came the garbled reply. Chan nodded and carefully wrapped an arm around the boy, still pliant from sleep, and shifted so his legs rested upon his arms, allowing him to pick the younger up. Chan rested the little on his hip and was making his way back to the living room when Felix let out an excited shout, suddenly squirming in the older man’s hold as he tried to get down.  Taking the hint, Chan placed the boy down and watched confusedly as he ran unsteadily to the window. His caregiver followed after him bewilderedly, realising what had got Felix so excited. Outside, it was snowing.</p><p> </p><p>Felix had his faced press right up against the window, his breath steaming up the glass as he stared in awe at the blanket of white, that had covered the world while he had slept. It was settling fast, soft, flurrying snowflakes fell from the sky, covering everything in sight with snow and turning the world into an icy wonderland. It was beautiful. </p><p> </p><p>Chan was brought out of his reverie by a tiny hand grasping his own and tugging at his arm. He allowed himself to be pulled along by the little, face set in determination. He stopped in the entrance hallway, dropping Chan’s hand, and hurrying clumsily to where they kept their shoes. He half sat, half fell, down onto the floor, throwing his legs out in front of him and starting to attempt to pull his shoes on. Chan shook his head at the boy, he was still in his onesie and there was no way he was letting him go out like that. He could get the flu or something!</p><p>Chan walked over, sitting down in front of Felix who was now attempting to shove his left foot in his right shoe. He sighed affectionately and ruffled Felix’s hair, grabbing his attention from his shoe. Felix looked up happily, his face split into a huge grin. He tried to say something, but his words got lost in his excitement and turned into meaningless babbles. His caregiver chuckled down at him, placing a quick kiss on his temple and taking the shoes from him. </p><p>“Come on babyboy, you can’t go out wearing that. You’ll catch a cold. Let’s get you dressed into something better for the snow.” </p><p> </p><p>Felix pouted confusedly as he was carried away from the door, he really, really, really wanted to play in the snow. He had never seen it in real life before because of the hot climate of Australia, so now, with white tumbling down fast from the sky, he was desperate to get outside before it stopped. He wriggled in Chan’s grip in an attempt to get down and reach the door, but Chan merely adjusted his grip, knowing Felix didn’t understand why he couldn’t go in the snow in his pyjamas. Chan wished he could let him, the upset and bewildered look on Lix’s face broke his heart, but he knew he had to be the responsible one in this situation.</p><p> </p><p>He carried Felix back to his room, lying him down on his back, on the floor next to him while he went through the closet, looking for more suitable clothes. He quickly picked out a long-sleeved shirt with a studio Ghibli design on it, and the dungarees that had been gifted to the boy after he had liked them so much. He turned back to Felix, who had rolled onto his stomach with some difficulty and was trying to make a break for it out the door. Chan shook his head, returning the boy to his original spot and quickly dressing him in the warmer clothes. He helped Felix up, walking to the door again with his tiny hand wrapped in his own, larger one. </p><p> </p><p>Felix clambered onto the cabinet-top and waited impatiently as Chan went about the hall retrieving their coats and hats. Once he had found most of the things they would need, he went back to the younger boy, who was now kicking his feet excitedly against the cupboard. He helped Felix into his coat, struggling a little due to Felix’s refusal to stay still, and then into his shoes. </p><p> </p><p>Chan pulls on his own coat and shoes as Felix fusses with the lock on the door, trying to get out. Finally, he grabs gloves and hats for both of them, as well as a scarf for Felix and his keys and wallet. He reached around Felix to unlock the door and it swings open, narrowly avoiding hitting the hyper boy next to it. Instantly after the door is opened Felix was running out, down the hallway to the elevator, leaving Chan to jog after him past the other dorms and apartments. </p><p> </p><p>When Chan catches up, Felix had already called the elevator and was standing right in front of the entrance to it, almost vibrating with anticipation. A ‘ding’ sounded, indicating that the lift has arrived and the younger shot in through the opening doors, his caregiver following behind him. Felix pressed the button to take them to the ground floor as Chan tries to pull a woolly hat down over his ears as he jumps about. </p><p> </p><p>When they reach the ground floor, Felix is wrapped head to toe, with only his twinkling eyes and little nose poking out from a gap between his scarf and hat. Chan smiled satisfactorily and put on his own hat as the elevator ground to a halt, a pleasant, mechanical voice informing them they had reached the ground floor. The metal doors slid open again and Felix scrambled toward them, running through the lobby and pushing through the main revolving doors.</p><p> </p><p> Now in the snow, he spread his arms wide, turning in dizzying circles and giggling joyously. He dropped down to his knees in the middle of the pavement and scooped up a handful of the powdery snow, throwing it into the air and watching as the snowflakes spun gracefully back down to the ground. He looked up, smiling innocently, at the white sky and flakes started to settle all over him. He sat down in the snow at the side of the road. He was completely in his own world. Flakes fell on his face, melting against red cheeks, flushed from the cold. They lined his eyelashes, covered his hair and embroidered themselves with the fabric of his coat like shining silver beads, making him look like a tiny, frozen fairy. His warm smile cut through the cold, the pink of his lips, nose and cheeks were a stark contrast to the blues and greys that surrounded him and he smiled with such pure unfiltered joy and light. Chan smiled back at him, his heart full of love for the young boy. </p><p> </p><p>Once Felix decided he had appreciated the beauty of the snow enough, he started to gather it up in his hands, packing some together to form a sphere. Chan realised too late what he was doing and proceeded to take a snowball to the face. It fell down the front of his jacket making him shiver and laugh in shock. A mischievous grin had made it’s way onto Felix’s face and he was crouched down, gathering more snow together. Chan shook his head, steeling his resolve. Just because Felix was mentally a toddler didn’t mean Chan was just going to let him win, they both had a competitive streak. Chan leaned down and picked up a handful of snow, compacting it hastily and preparing to throw it. He narrowly dodged the next snowball Felix had sent his way and readied his own, pulling back his arm he catapulted it forward. It hit Felix’s back as he ran for cover. He squealed and giggled blithely, shaking off the snow quickly and sending a returning blow that hit Chan’s shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>They carried on with their snowball fight for a while until Felix got bored and ran to Chan, throwing his arms around him in a truce. They both collapsed, laughing, onto the snow-covered ground as they caught their breath. They lay for a few minutes, simply looking up at the sky as the snow fell around them but Felix quickly grew cold, making him impatient once more. He sprang to his feet again, tugging at a complaining Chan’s arm to try and get him to stand up. </p><p> </p><p>They decided to go to the park to look at the snow and see if they could find a good place to build a snowman. They arrived quickly and Chan saw that there were already lots of people who had had the same idea as them, scores or children and their parents were playing in the field. Felix had ran off to a thick and untrodden patch of snow and thrown himself down again. He was flapping his arms and legs rather ungracefully to make a snow angel and yelling at the top of his lungs for Chan to come look. Chan jogged over, nervously looking around to see if anyone had heard Felix’s less-than-teenage-like voice. All the other people seemed to be absorbed in their own activities however, so he relaxed again.</p><p> </p><p>Chan watched on as Felix played in the snow. The little made lots of snow angels and even a small snowman who he creatively named “Carrots” despite its lack of a nose. Fairly soon, he noticed how he was shivering, his teeth chattering against each-other. (a/n they’re speaking mostly in English btw, if aussie line are on their own kinda just assume they aren’t speaking Korean. Feel free to imagine it in whatever language you want though &lt;3) </p><p> “Lixie, honey, we should probably head home now. You look very cold baby.” Felix pouted at him. <br/>“Dada, cold” <br/>“How about dada gets us some hot chocolate on the way home? Would that help warm you up?” At this the boy nodded enthusiastically, getting an affectionate chuckle from his caregiver as he ruffled his hair. He wrapped an arm around the smaller and started to guide him back towards the park gates. Felix waved to his snowman as they walked away, repeating to himself “Bye bye Carrots, bye bye.” Making Chan coo in his head. </p><p> </p><p>As they made their way to the café that they frequented, snow crunching under their feet, Felix had asked sweetly. “Can we visit Carrots tomorrow da?” <br/>“If he’s still there, then maybe sweetheart.” He said, and then adding as an afterthought. “He might leave to go and visit his snow-family for Christmas.” He didn’t have the heart to tell Felix that he might melt, or be kicked over by someone but Felix seemed satisfied with that answer. He skipped along happily, kicking up snow and babbling rather nonsensically about his snowman. </p><p> </p><p>				                                                                                              (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥</p><p> </p><p>They arrived at the café and quickly ordered their drinks, Chan handed Felix his as he paid and they left. At this point they were almost home however, as they were crossing the street, a woman bumped into Felix and spilt his hot chocolate all down his coat. She shoved him out of the way and kept running across the road, narrowly avoiding traffic. For a couple of seconds both boys simply stood there, shocked, before Felix’s face crumples and tears started streaming quickly down his face. Chan pulls him out of the road and into the lobby of their block of flats, wrapping an arm protectively around him and shooting a glare in the direction the lady had ran. He herds the crying boy towards the lift again. They received many strange looks as the doors slid closed behind them. </p><p> </p><p>As soon as they were alone Chan wrapped Felix in a tight hug, pulling away to briefly check if he’d been hurt but pulling him back when it became evident he was crying more from shock than pain. He rested his chin on top of the little’s head and he could feel each sob. His cries were heart-breaking in a way Chan had never experienced before. He knew that, on an instinctual level, an infants wails could make people feel the need to protect it. However, now, as he stood there stroking his hand soothingly up and down Felix’s back, he realised what that meant for the first time. In this moment another human being was relying on him, Felix needed him and depended on him right now, in a way that he had never experienced before. He drew the smaller boy in tighter, and he seemed to shrink against him, he was so small. It scared him but also made him immensely proud, to feel the trust that came from allowing him to see this vulnerability. </p><p> </p><p>They left the elevator and got to their dorms without meeting anyone. Thankfully, Felix’s sobs had softened to whiney sniffles and he seemed calmer. He clung to the back of Chan’s jacket anxiously as he had unlocked the door. When Chan had walked ahead too far, he would whine unhappily and run forward, nuzzling his head into the other’s back, clearly feeling clingy and anxious to be left alone. </p><p> </p><p>Once in the dorm, they shed their shoes and coats, Felix with some help and Chan scooped the still crying little up, carrying him to their shared room. He carefully peeled of the soaked clothes, one of Felix’s favourite tops now ruined, and got a flannel to make sure there weren’t any remnants of the hot chocolate that could irritate his skin. He dressed him efficiently in his Stitch onesie. He had just started to fold the clothes up when he realised something was off about the whole situation, the bottom of the overalls were wet as well. He knew that none of the drink had spilled on them there. He blinked, surprised, when it dawned on him what had happened but he resolved to bring it up when Felix was in a less fragile state of mind. He was clean and safe now and that was all that mattered, they could talk about what happened in the morning. </p><p> </p><p>				                                                                                                   (｡•́︿•̀｡)</p><p>He went back to the room after throwing the dirtied clothes haphazardly in the laundry, and quickly realised his mistake of leaving Felix on his own. The little boy’s sniffles had started up again and had quickly progressed into unhappy cries once more. By the time Chan got returned, he was sobbing freely again and Chan’s heart wrenched with sadness for him. He scooped him up, holding him delicately in his arms as he rocked their bodies reassuringly. His arms got tired after a little while and he sat down on the bed, resting Felix on his lap and merely holding him. He let him cry all of his pent up emotions out until they subsided, Felix buried his head in Chan’s chest, seemingly exhausted from the day. They sat on the bed, Felix curled up in Chan’s arms, in a comfortable quietness, broken only by an occasional whimper from the younger. </p><p> </p><p>Felix quickly grew fretful again despite all of Chan’s soothing efforts, mewling sadly but not being able to say what he needed, having slipped deep into babyspace. Communication on Felix’s side was minimal, and Chan had given up asking what he wanted fast after he realised how little of what he was saying was being understood. Now knowing roughly how young Felix felt, Chan tried to think what he might be needing. Harder than you’d think. Babies because of almost anything, and they required so many things. He didn’t even know where to start. “Come on baby star, work with me here.” He said in anguish. “What is it you need? I just have to know then Dada can get it for you, yeah?” He didn’t get a response, but he wasn’t really expecting one, Felix just carried on wailing as if there was nothing that could ever console him.</p><p> </p><p>Chan stood up again, holding Felix as close to him as he could, trying to ease the separation anxiety that the little had unmistakeably been showing signs of. He bounced him on his hip as he walked around, pointing at things and picking them up to see if they would help. Eventually, they entered the kitchen and for some reason Felix stopped crying and looked around curiously. He stuck a tiny hand out towards the fridge, and Chan carried him to it, mystified. Felix leaned out, wrapping his hand tightly around the fridge handle. “What is it, honey? Do you want to open it?” a small whine was the only reply he got, so Chan opened the door with a satisfying ‘thunk’. Felix didn’t move, he just looked at it. However, he was quite undeniably still interested in something there. </p><p> </p><p>Then he saw what Felix had been looking at. It was the milk. Chan could have kicked himself, of course he wanted that. It was obvious, he hadn’t got to have his hot chocolate before it was spilt, and he it was around dinner time so he would be hungry anyway. Chan groaned with relief, pulling the milk off the fried shelf and placing it on the side. He looked around for an easy cup before remembering the bottle in the other room. He went back to the room, making Felix whine in confusion, and grabbed the bottle from the already open box on the floor. He went back to the kitchen, and unscrewed the lid of the milk with one hand, still holding Felix with his other arm. He carefully poured some out into the bottle and put it in the microwave, hastily setting it to two minutes and closing the door. He shifted the boy in his arms so he could watch the microwave over Chan’s shoulder when they went to wait on the sofa. He liked to watch his bottle go round and round in the microwave.</p><p> </p><p>Soon, the microwave beeped, cutting through the stillness that had settled around them like a stone being dropped in a pond, ripples breaking the surface of calm water. Felix had calmed down a lot, so Chan judged he could get up without him and go to the kitchen. First, however, he wrapped Felix securely in his own hoodie, hoping it would make him feel safer as he got the bottle ready. He kissed his head and left, popping open the  microwave door and getting out the milk. He stuck the tip of his pinkie finger into it to check the temperature was right and then stirred in a small teaspoon of honey. He had read somewhere that it was nicer that way, sweeter and more comforting for babies having substitute milk. While he knew Felix wasn’t physically a baby, he thought that he would probably appreciate it anyway. He did have a very sweet tooth. He screwed the teat on to the bottle, clicking the lid over it, and walked back to the sofa.</p><p> </p><p>On seeing the bottle, Felix started to squirm from where he was lying on the couch. He reached out, trying to get closer and whining. Chan shushed him gently, sitting next to him and moving him so his head lay in his lap. He lowered the bottle to Felix’s mouth, and he latched on fast, sucking as if someone was going to take it from him. Chan pulled the bottle away, trying to slow him down and his face scrunched like he was going to cry again. Chan quickly readjusted him, head now higher up, resting on his caregiver’s arm. Once again he was given the bottle. Carefully monitoring the little in his arms so he didn’t choke, Chan relaxed into the couch. Allowing himself to be lulled into a calm state of mind by the warmth and comforting weight of his little on his lap, and the regular, soothing suckling sounds. He felt right. At peace with the world. As if nothing could hurt him or his baby as he sat there. He could protect and shelter them both in that moment. For him, it was these beautiful times that made all his tireless work worth it </p><p> </p><p>He gazed adoringly at the small, sleepy boy in his lap, and an overwhelming feeling of lover squeezed at his heart, it was almost choking. He knew now, they were in this for the long run.</p><p>                                                                                                                                 (っ◕‿◕)っ</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Did you enjoy it? leave your thoughts down below! </p><p>I think I mentioned this briefly in a previous chapter note, but would you guys be interested in me sometimes taking your requests for a chapter? I've been really wanting to hear some of your ideas and turn them into something. It could be like my little gift back to you all for reading, commenting and just generally being lovely people. </p><p>Of course, remember to have a good meal and drink some water. Take care of yourselves and do the things that make you happy. As always, if you need someone to talk to, I'm on twitter (@sunnystay1) and instagram (@sunny._.stay) and my dm's are always welcome for my beautiful beans &lt;3 I've recently got some lovely messages from some of you and it's made me so happy. If you have dmed me, thank you, you are the sweetest people I've had the pleasure of meeting.</p><p>This is a very long note so I'll wrap it up there but just remember you are loved and valid,<br/>hugs and kithes,<br/>bubby~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>